


I Want to Fucking Tear You Apart

by brianaa_c



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cheating, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, F/M, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, lbr this is really just smut with very little plot, sliiiight mention of Rey having a boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-07-16 09:26:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16083236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianaa_c/pseuds/brianaa_c
Summary: "Oh, no. Come on, Rey!" Ben laughs, using the counter of the island in the middle of the crowded kitchen to keep balance as he makes his way over to her, his grin only growing as she rolls her eyes. "You're supposed to dress up for Halloween, not be yourself," he continues, flicking the homemade halo floating above her head."Guess I could say the same about you," she shoots back, crossing her arms across her thinly veiled chest, her costume racier than an angel should probably be. She glances at the tiny set of red horns nestled in his messy hair. "With you being the devil and all."He has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the laugh bubbling in his chest at bay. "Lucky for you," he muses, reaching behind her, grabbing a beer from the tub of ice on the counter. "We're a match made in hell."





	1. Halloween

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge, "Why We Lose" by Cartoon.
> 
> In honor of Halloween being right around the corner :) have a college AU, with maybe a few paragraphs of a plot before smut. Enjoy!

"This isn't right. Is this right?" 

Rose lets out a loud huff, smacking her lips together before screwing the cap back onto her lip gloss tube, pushing the mirror on the sun visor up. "It's right, Rey. This is the address." 

Rey dips her head to peer out Rose's tinted window of her Range Rover, her eyes traveling up the multi-storied house they're parked near.  _He_ lives here. Ben Solo. Him and the rest of his fraternity brothers. 

Which, it shouldn't be much of a surprise. His fraternity was one of the most active on campus, and a huge party on Halloween night shouldn't have come to her as such a shock. She was hoping Rose, her best friend didn't catch wind of it, but when Finn invited them in their organic chemistry lecture, she had no choice but to come with. 

"Can't we just go somewhere else?" Rey whines, a last-minute effort to change Rose's mind. "Damon is throwing a different party, it'll be way more-"

"Oh,  _screw_ Damon," Rose says with a roll of her eyes, removing her seatbelt, opening the car door. "You're too good for him, Rey. Or are you just going to wait for him to cheat on you again?"

Rey's cheeks burn as if she had slapped her, her stomach sinking at Rose's words as she exits the car, making sure her heels don't sink into the grass. "Jeez, Rose. Ouch." 

Rose clicks her tongue as she walks around the car, reaching for Rey's hand once she's close enough. "You  _know_ I don't say it to upset you. I say it because you deserve better than that dirtbag. He's horrible at football, anyway. No one likes a loser." 

She has a point. Damon is the quarterback at their school, Coruscant University, and it's mostly his fault why students leave before halftime and drown their sorrows at the bar across the street from the stadium. He was a horrible player and an even worse person, but he had money. He had money, and Rey did not. She's acutely aware of that fact as the gold chain of her Gucci crossbody Damon got her for her birthday knocks against her chest. With him, her hopes of getting out of college debt free and creating the life she wanted as a writer was within reach. Without him, her dreams grew dark, flickering away completely. He had the connections she required. Perhaps she could sacrifice her morals, at least until she graduated next year before breaking up with him. It was just easier this way. 

As they walk up the winding drive of the fraternity mansion, the cold air knocks sharply against her, making her cross her arms across her chest as she fights a shiver. "God, why does Boston get so cold so quickly?"

"This isn't cold to us natives. But when you're from  _Arizona_ like you, anything below 90 degrees is a tundra," Rose teases, looping her arm through Rey's. "Plus, your lingerie is a lousy excuse for a dress, and you refused to bring a coat." 

"A coat would only ruin the allusion." Rey fights a coy smile, tucking her curled hair behind the headband holding up her fluffy angel halo. Her white babydoll barely grazed the tops of her thighs, giving everyone behind her a show of her tanned ass, leaving nothing to the imagination when she chose the tiniest pair of panties to go with it. "Besides, I worked hard on this ass. I might as well show the people what they want."

Rose laughs, adjusting her slightly more modest princess costume as she throws the extravagant front door open. "You are so full of shit." 

Immediately, her senses are overwhelmed and put into overdrive. The house is humid, and she can already sense the ends of her hair frizzing. Rap music is playing so loud, she can feel the bass in the floor as they walk. The scent of weed and cheap beer fill the air. It almost feels like a real frat house until she glances up, noting the imperial staircase separated by a crystal chandelier. She rolls her eyes at the extravagance of it all.

It was so surreally bizarre, a group of college-aged men living in such a nice house. But when the chapter's president is the prodigy son of the first female President of the United States and a total DILF who's a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, she supposes anything is possible once you throw the power of the Free World behind it. 

"Come on," Rose yells over the music, yanking on Rey's arm, pushing her through the crowd of bodies, some dancing, some laughing, some kissing. "Let's get a drink." 

The lights are off completely, nothing but strings of colorful Christmas lights illuminating the walls of the rooms and hallways. They pass a couple practically having sex against the wall, and her nose scrunches as she glances away, mentally cursing Damon for not ditching his football team party. Because of that, he's leaving her all alone once Rose ultimately ditches her to go hook up with her boyfriend, Finn. 

Eventually, after what felt like hours of wandering through a house of neverending twists and turns, they make it to the kitchen. It's actually lit with normal lights, a fraternity member stoned out of his mind watching the oven intently as he heats up what looks to be pizza rolls. A group of guys sits at what she assumes is the kitchen table, playing some card game as their cups of alcohol are scattered over the glass surface. Some girls are batting their eyes and flirting their way through painful conversations just so a guy could pour them a drink. Rey rolls her eyes. She remembers when she was an innocent freshman.

" _Laaaaadies_ ," she hears call out to them, smiling as her friend squeals, throwing her arms around her boyfriend. Rey smiles politely as they kiss until Rose is breaking away to introduce Finn and Rey past the first name basis they were used to in their lecture. He tucks Rose into his side as he tells Rey how nice it is to  _finally_ meet her formally and how much Rose has told him about her. She turns to Rose with a pretend pout, letting out a sarcastic "Aww!" as she wraps her best friend into an exaggerated hug. Rey makes a face, pretending to be disgusted by the affection. 

"Come on," Finn leads them to the sink, full of ice and beer cans. "Let's get y'all a drink." 

They stay in the kitchen, laughing and talking about school and sports. But eventually, Rose pulls her friend close to talk in her ear over the music, holding on to her elbow to keep herself steady on tipsy feet. 

"Go," Rey says, nodding towards the archway that leads from the kitchen to somewhere she didn't know. "Have fun, I'll be fine!" She assures her when Rose sends her a torn look. "Seriously! Don't worry about me. I have cheap beer and someone's pizza rolls to keep me company." 

They leave hand in hand and she pushes herself off the counter, walking over to the sink. She peers inside, not given enough time to actually grab anything before someone's fingers brush her waist. She looks up, crossing her arms when she glances at the man beside her. He must be too cool for this party because he's not wearing a costume; instead, a pocket tee with his fraternity letters printed on it, paired with basketball shorts and a backward hat with icy tips sticking out of the front. Rey laughs inwardly. He looks like an unemployed backstreet boy. "Can I help you?" she asks, her lips pressing together in a fake smile. 

He nods towards the beer chilling in the ice. "You don't want any of that. Trust me." 

Rey raises an eyebrow at him, deciding to play along. "Mmm, I don't? What would I want, then?" 

The guy smiles, revealing a grin that showed off teeth that were beginning to yellow from either too much smoking or too much drinking. His eyes don't know any shame as they trail an unauthorized line down her body, assessing her. "Come on," he flirts, gesturing her to the cabinet above the fridge. She watches him with a raised eyebrow as he struggles to reach, letting out a triumphant laugh as he pulls an expensive bottle of whiskey down. "The best bottle in the house. Let me get you a cup."

Rey draws her eyebrows together. "I hate whiskey." 

"No, no, no," he tells her, holding his hand up to halt her protests as he pulls off the crystal cap. "This shit is from the 1900s or something. It's like a million dollar bottle. You're gonna love it." 

She watches him reach for a red solo cup, trying to keep the disgust off her face as she mentally plans to leave the cup on an abandoned table the first chance she got away from him. 

"Put my mom's bottle of whiskey from William Howard Taft's family back and you won't get kicked out of this house," she hears a deep voice call out from behind her. She glances towards the voice, her eyes meeting Ben's as he strolls easily into the kitchen, rolling his shoulders covered with a leather jacket back. "You sick fuck," he adds with a smirk. 

"Come  _on,_ Solo," the man protests, but puts the bottle back nonetheless. "Why even have it here if you don't plan on using it? You're putting a cramp in my game." He still shoves himself from the counter and away from Rey, sulking into another room, probably off to find another victim. 

Rey takes a deep breath as she glances towards Ben again, moving to rest a hand on her hip. "Hey," he nods her way, nonchalant as he reaches into the sink, pulling out a bottle of beer. With little work he unscrews the cap, tossing it onto the counter behind him. She supposes he could do whatever he wanted - it's his house, anyway.

She can't help but smirk at him. "My hero." 

He crosses the distance between them, and she doesn't miss the way his eyes zero in on her bare legs, heat blooming in her stomach. "Come on, Rey," Ben laughs, using the counter of the island in the middle of the crowded kitchen to keep balance, his grin only growing as she rolls her eyes at his buzzed state. He was drunk. "You're supposed to dress _up_ for Halloween, not be yourself," he continues, flicking the homemade halo floating above her head.

"Guess I could say the same about you," she shoots back as she tries to ignore the blush forming across her freckled cheeks, crossing her arms across her thinly veiled chest, suddenly becoming uncomfortably aware that her costume is way racier than an angel should probably ever be as he takes another selfish look at her. Her eyes flit over the red button-down pulled tight by muscles, tucked into dark jeans. She glances at the tiny set of red horns nestled in his messy hair, perfectly tousled as if someone just had her hands through it. Maybe someone had. "With you being the devil and all."

He has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the laugh bubbling in his chest at bay. "Lucky for you," he muses, reaching behind her, grabbing another beer from the tub of ice. He sets his own down on the counter before screwing off the cap of the new bottle, offering it to her. "We're a match made in heaven, huh?" He teases her, playfully bumping her shoulder with his.

Rey lets out a snarky giggle. "Or hell," she offers, taking the bottle from him. She cut her eyes to glance down the dark hallway most likely leading to bedrooms, and her cheeks flush when she feels him follow her gaze. "Who are you here with? Is some girl waiting for you in one of those rooms?"

He coughs out a laugh, the faintest shade of pink forming across his cheeks, and Rey is tickled. It was almost cute that for someone who she heard was constantly playing the field, he seemed tight-lip about his conquests. "Nah," he says, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "No, I'm alone tonight. You?"

She gives him a short nod. "Same." 

Her fingers play with the short hem of her dress as she leans against the kitchen counter, bringing the beer bottle to her lips to try and make the silence between them slightly less awkward. What were they doing? They weren't friends, but they weren't strangers, either. He was a teacher's assistant for her intro to world relations class last year when she was a sophomore, but between meeting Damon and strict university rules, she could never actually act on her longstanding crush, as much as she wanted to. So she did what she legally could without risking expulsion and the wrath of a scorned boyfriend, visiting him during his office hours every week, flirting as much as she could without crossing the line into inappropriateness. But with that said, Rey couldn't bring herself to walk away from him now, opting instead to focus on the curve of his broad shoulder, stretching the leather of his jacket as he reached to slap hands with a man who just made a loud entrance to the kitchen. 

"So," he says easily, turning his attention back to her once the other guys were gone. His eyes are dark and serious and she blushes. "I haven't seen you in a while," he continues, reaching out to put his hand on the counter next to her, making her briefly close her eyes and take a deep breath at his proximity.

She blushes at his reference to the last time they were together. "I've been busy," she tells him, opening her eyes just in time to see himself edge closer to her. "With school, and also with Damon." 

He raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Really? I thought you wouldn't be with him after we-"

"Well, I still am," she interrupts him, her eyes pleading with him to drop it. She wasn't exactly proud of what she did, and her heavy purse digging angrily into her shoulder is enough to remind her of Damon and her indiscretions. "It's really none of your business, anyway." 

His features harden slightly at her abruptness, and she mentally curses herself for being so short with him. With a nod, he eases himself away from her, putting the bottle of beer to his lips, taking a time-killing slip. "Never said it was. Have yourself a good night, Rey." 

She watches him push himself away from her before venturing down the hall, his back even prettier than his front as if that were even possible. She almost wants to kick herself, making him walk away from her just now. But something inside her becomes electrified and swoons, and Rey can't contain the smirk on her face as she turns to someone next to her, shoving her beer bottle into his chest. "Hold this," she murmurs, working fast through crowded bodies to follow Ben down the dark hall. 

"How are you suddenly so quick to run off?" She calls out to him, feeling heat spread through her chest as she follows him through the dark hall, passing an open door where kids were huddled together on a twin bed, passing around a joint in the dark. She doesn't feel any desire to join them; instead, her attention stays trained on the beautiful pair of shoulder ahead of her. "If I remember correctly, last time, you were the one to chase after  _me._ "

"Where's your boy-toy?" He asks over his shoulder, a hint of sarcasm playing in his voice as she moves closer, taking her time to appreciate his broad back. He doesn't flinch as she slinks around him and eventually slips right in front of him, the faintest of smiles gracing her lips. 

His gaze latches onto hers and even in the dark hall, she sees the way they shine. But instead of melting at the way he looks, she instead focuses solely on his dig.

She raises an eyebrow at him, watching him as he nears her. "Shut up. He doesn't know. And he will  _never_ know. Understood?" 

She wants to punch the smile that slants across his face off. "I think by now you know I don't kiss and tell," he teases. "Although, I _could_ give him tips on how to work you. From what I remember, you drunkenly told me that he couldn't get you to-"

"Shut  _up,_ Ben," she reels, beginning to blush at his words. A week ago, she hooked up with the man in front of her against her better judgment after a big fight with her boyfriend, Damon. She thought she'd feel regret or even shame seeing him again, but as she looks up at him now, all she feels is heat spreading through her body. Perhaps it never even left. It was the best sex of her life, even though she would never say that out loud, _especially_ to the man in front of her. 

"Does he know you're here?" He asks her, stepping closer. She raises her chin, trying her best to stand her ground as he eases closer, his hand reaching down to play with the frilly hem of her short dress.

"Yes." Another step closer.

"Does he know you're here with _me_?" Closer.

 _I'm not here_ with  _you_ , she wants to tell him, but it wouldn't be the whole truth. She came with Rose and eventually Finn, yes, but she came in the hopes of finding  _him_ here. Rey is silent, letting out a gasp when her back brushes up against a wall. He backed her into a corner, and even though she begged it not to, her body shivers in anticipation. "No," she finally answers him, her voice sounding way weaker than she intended it to be. Her hands press into the wall by her sides, forcing herself to keep her hands off of the skin exposing itself from his barely buttoned shirt. The roman numerals tattoo on his chest, the one she remembers so distinctly tracing with her tongue, sticks out from under the fabric, causing her pulse to quicken.

That damn smirk is back. A hand goes to the wall above her head, hovering closer, while the hand playing with her dress suddenly slips beneath it, his fingers dipping underneath the waistband of her underwear at her side. Her heart is in her throat. "Still think he hates me?"

Rey has to work to pry her eyes from his lips and force her body to remain pressed to the wall behind her. "Of course he does," she breathes, unintentionally melting into the hand on her hip when he steps even closer. "You gave him bad weed."

Ben snorts. "He's a college athlete, he doesn't need to be doing drugs anyway," he scolds with false sincerity. "Hope he enjoyed the trip, though." 

"Stop talking about him," she says with an edge, the constant mention of her boyfriend dampening the trance he's put her in. She doesn't want to be reminded that this is wrong,  _stop bringing him up. He doesn't exist._

"Fine," he says, the corner of his lips ticking up in amusement at her annoyance. "What do you want to talk about?" 

She glances at the ceiling, letting out a huff before returning her eyes to his. "What do  _you_ want to talk about?"

He shakes his head at her. "I don't want to talk," he chuckles, and she shivers again. She's very aware of the hand beneath her underwear and on her hip, and why the hell hasn't she pushed him away yet? It's been less than ten minutes and this man, who is not her boyfriend, has her melting with a few words and a smile. Her breathing is shallow and  _fuck,_ why couldn't Damon ever get her like this?

"What, exactly, do you know about me?" she asks, reeling herself in, driving their conversation from rated R back to PG. Because, hey, if they're having sex now, he might as well know her favorite color.

He takes a deep breath, removing his hand from under the strap of her panties, moving it to the groove of her hip, this time above her dress. "I know you have the greatest legs I've ever seen." 

She rolls her eyes but can't help the blush that creeps across her face. "I'm serious, Ben," she chuckles, reaching out to playfully swat at his shoulder.

He catches her hand with a dazzling smile. "Well," he continues, letting her hand drop to her side. "I know you want to be a writer. And I know you're a damn good one." 

She pauses. "Really?"

"Yeah," he nods, dipping his head towards her for more privacy when a group of frat guys walks behind him, paying them little attention as one slaps him on his back in a greeting. "I read a few of your essays when I was your TA. Even though they were  _essays_ , they were pretty compelling. You're pretty damn talented." 

She smiles at him, giddiness spreading through her chest. "That's it?"

He nods as if he's perfectly content with her talent in writing essays and the length of her legs being the extent of his knowledge on her. "What do you know about me?"

"I know you're the President's son."

He makes a face at her. "Doesn't count. Everyone knows that."

Rey giggles, glancing at the ceiling once more as she feels an arm wind around her waist, pulling her off the wall and closer to him. She tries her best to think, ignoring the way his hand grips her dress, ever-so-slightly pulling it up her thighs. "I know you drive a Mercedes. And I know you work on it yourself. I saw you the other day, working on the engine in one of the parking lots on campus." 

He lets out a laugh, his eyes shining. "Yeah? You following me?"

" _No_ ," she tells him, rolling her eyes. "It was just a coincidence." 

That seemed to be enough conversation for him, because his hand on the wall dips to her neck, thumb tapping her jaw. "Once is a coincidence. Twice is a habit." 

She shivers at his words, knowing the implications of what he means, and what she might do once more. But she jumps when a group of drunk girls stumbles into the hallway, giggling loudly as they try to find the bathroom. Ben eases away from her, his hand on her neck dropping to her shoulder as he watches them pass, trying to look as discreet as possible as he glances down the hall after them. His motions expose her to the length of his neck, her eyes following the lines of his veins, running through a sharp jawline, taunt cheekbones, and low-set eyes. He was gorgeous. And so, so sexy. 

She wishes she had more willpower. She really did. Because once the group is gone and his attention turns back to her, her hand peels off the wall and pinches the collar of his jacket with a mind of its own, pulling him back to her, stretching up to meet his lips in a searing kiss. 

She moans into his mouth as his tongue traces her teeth. He pushes a knee between her legs, and she's more than happy to oblige, reaching out her left foot, spreading her legs further apart. He tilts himself forward, his thigh barely brushing against the lace covering the apex between her thighs, and it's just enough to kickstart the familiar spark beginning to ache in her core. 

But the sirens that bring her back to reality are going off in her head so she releases him, her fingers aching when they uncurl from the collar of his leather jacket, leaning back to rest her head against the wall behind her. Ben lets out a short chuckle, using his nose to tilt her chin up, satisfaction spreading throughout his chest when she follows his direction, glancing up at the ceiling before closing her eyes.

"You're such a goddamn tease," he murmurs, his lips on her throat sending vibrations through her body in time with the bass of the loud music in the other room.

"Please," she breathes, exhaling as he begins to suck on her skin. Maybe God would forgive her later for finding Heaven in a man that is definitely not her boyfriend. "I wouldn't even know how to be a tease." 

"Yeah?" he questions from his place at her throat, biting at her pulse, gentle enough to not break the skin, hard enough to leave a lasting mark. She jumps beneath him, letting a whimper slip between her lips. 

She swallows. "Yeah," she lets out, but it's weak and unconvincing as he presses into her once more, his thigh applying pressure to her core. She whimpers again. 

He leans closer, dragging his cheek along hers, his stubble scratching her skin. "Bullshit," he mutters, locking lips with her once more. 

Her arms wind their way around his neck, she doesn't even care anymore. She pulls him closer as she presses their chests together. Her dress is so thin and with the absence of a bra, the zipper of his leather jacket brushes against her nipple, a moan erupting from her chest without warning. He ends the kiss, easing away from her, smiling at her whimper from loss of contact.

"I'd say you're the tease now," she pouts, tightening her arms around his neck.

He grins at her, hand trailing to the top of her thigh. "Nah," he tells her, dragging his hand up and under her dress, chuckling as she tenses when his fingertips touch the bare skin of her stomach. "Just tell me what you want." 

She wants to.  _Fuck_ , she wants to so badly. She wants nothing more than to drag his hand under her panties and shove his fingers inside her. But her brain hasn't quite caught up with what they're doing, and so her concentration on forming sentences flatlines as soon as knuckles begin to trace a nipple. 

"What about this?" he asks, pressing his lips to her ear as his fingers begin to knead her breast. "You want this?" 

She still can't formulate words, and so she only nods against him, the stubble on his chin scratching her cheek. Her body is already jolting in pleasure, and she really couldn't care less that her dress is bunched up around her waist, exposing her ass to the wall behind her. Her insides are wound so tightly she can't force herself to stay still, and so she tells herself she has no other option but to tilt her hips forward, pressing her lace-covered clit into his thigh still between her legs. She whimpers, and so he shifts closer, lifting bending his knee just a bit more, giving her more pressure. 

"I take that as a yes," he murmurs against her ear, turning his head to press his lips to her jaw. She closes her eyes in pleasure.

Rey knows exactly what this looks like. If anyone passed them, they'd think they were fucking. Hell, they practically were, what with his hand tugging on her breasts, her hips forming a steady rock against his leg. But when his free hand floats up the inside of her thigh, she gasps, eyes flying open, reaching down to grab his wrist. He glances at her, his lips ticking upward in amusement. But he stills, forcing her to take the lead. 

She bites her lip, glancing down the hall, relieved to find it's empty. On a silent count of three, taking a deep breath, she reaches down, hooking a shaky finger into the elastic of her panties. She pulls them to the side, exposing herself to him, shivering at her actions. Ben lets something like a groan slip out, the fingers on her thigh finally slipping between her legs.

She leans forward into him, burying her face in the crook of his neck as he rubs his hand against her, letting out a moan that is muffled by his jacket. He knows exactly how to touch her - exactly how to work her. "Oh my God," she breathes, her hot pants fanning over the skin of his neck. "Oh my  _God._ "

He's smirking. She  _knows_ he's smirking, and his fingers begin to quicken their pace. And when he actually pushes one inside her, her knees buckle, all but fainting in his arms. Rey's fingers grip at his biceps, fingernails digging into the dark leather of his jacket. She's trying to remain quiet, but his fingers are  _right there_ and when he curls them, hitting that spot only he can hit, a shock jolts through her. The moan she lets out this time is much louder, and her cheeks flame when she realizes someone could see them. Someone could _hear_ them. 

Rey tilts her head to bring her lips to his, and he's more than happy to kiss her back. A hand goes to his hair, gripping it tightly as she bites down on his bottom lip. "Let's go to your room," she pants against his mouth.

A low groan is in the back of his throat, his fingers slowing. "You sure?" he asks her, pulling back to look at her face. The look he gives her is so intense, so desirable, all she can do is breathlessly nod. 

Rey releases him from her death grip and his hand finds hers, the nerve endings of her fingertips sparking at the contact with him. Wordlessly, she follows him through the halls to an eventual staircase, the crowd becoming larger, the music louder. Rey glances around for any signs of a familiar face before ducking behind Ben, partially shielding herself from prying eyes. If Damon found out who she was with and what she was doing with them, he would  _die._ And then he would kill Ben, and then kill her.

She holds her breath as he digs out a key from his pocket, dropping her hand to find the lock in the dark. She follows him inside when he opens the door to his bedroom, and she actually jumps in her skin when the door shuts behind them, consuming them in darkness, almost completely muting the music that was finding its way through the halls. She hears his breathing as he nears her, and she wonders briefly if can hear how fast her heart is beating. Her fingers ache to touch him. She has never wanted anything more in her life. 

"Are you sure?" Ben asks once more, finality in his voice, letting her know he won't ask her again. He reaches up gently, pulling the headband from her head, dropping her halo somewhere next to him, out of sight and out of mind. She can't help but note the irony of it and her current situation. 

Rey closes her eyes, rolling her shoulders back with a deep inhale. "I'm sure," she breathes. She already cheated on Damon,  _again,_ tonight; might as well give in to what her body wants from him. 

After she allows her purse to drop from her shoulder onto the carpeted floor, his hands immediately go to the hem of her dress, lifting the frilly thing from her body. His hands are cold against her bare sides as they slide upward, fingers gripping her waist, fanning over her back. "Beautiful," he murmurs, mostly to herself, as he takes in the body between his hands. Rey tries to fight any blush that may appear on her cheeks. 

Rey is standing in front of him with nothing but a lacy thong on, but where she would normally feel vulnerable and shy away, she finds it exhilarating, daring him to touch her. Her hand dips under the elastic around her waist, hooking a finger around it and pulling down, her panties coasting down tanned thighs. She steps out of them, looking up at him. The look on his face is pure amazement, and the corner of his lips twitch upward as she pushes him down onto his bed. 

She presses a knee into the mattress on one side of him, swinging a leg over to the other side, lowering herself until she's seated on his lap. "I'm sure," she repeats, her lips against the skin of his neck, her hands working on removing his jacket. The heavy leather slides from his body with ease, and she grabs it, tossing it behind her and onto the floor. 

When they kiss again, she moans into his mouth, shivering when his hands run up her thighs, grabbing her ass. Her arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer, tilting her hips down into him. Her core presses into the rough fabric of his jeans, and she shivers again, a whimper escaping her mouth when he bites down on her bottom lip. 

They stay like that for quite some time, exploring each other, both with mouths and bodies. Her tongue meets his as she begins to rock her hips against his, slow but torturous, both for her and for him. Ben lets out a groan when he raises his hips, meeting her thrusts, pressing his clothed erection against her. The hands on her hips push her into him, letting his jean-clad hips grind into her.

"Come on, Rey," he breathes against her shoulder when her lips fall from his to let out a moan. "Let me fuck you." 

She smiles into the dark air as she decides to answer his prayers, nimble fingers falling to his belt. She reaches for his shirt, untucking it, working the buttons with hands shaking in anticipation. She pushes the red material from his body, and her breath catches at her view, tiny tattoos littered across pale muscles. He was more beautiful than she remembers, tendons moving under taut skin as he shifts beneath her, broad shoulders rising and falling with every deep intake of breath. There's no way this man is real. He's a god, not a human. 

Rey leans in, pressing her lips to the roman numerals, just below his collarbone. With an exhale, Ben leans his head back, hands reaching up to knot in her hair as she sucks on his skin. She presses her teeth into his muscles, and he jumps, causing her to smirk, running her tongue over the grooves left in his skin to soothe it. Her mouth travels lower, marking his skin down his stomach, pressing his back into the bed. Eventually, she reaches his pants. With a slight smile, she pulls back and looks at him, taking her time with the belt in her fingers before moving to his button and fly. He watches her body move on top of him, practically jumping in his skin when she reaches a hand into his pants, past his boxers, wrapping her fingers around him.

"Fuc-" he begins to moan, cut off by Rey leaning down to kiss him once more. It's dirty and hot and everything she remembered it to be, just like last time. He's shameless, thrusting into her hand, his calloused fingers digging into her spine. God, she hopes he's leaving bruises. She wants him to dominate her. She wants him to own her. 

He must finally have enough of her teasing because he removes a hand from her body, reaching to pulls his boxers and jeans down over the curve of his ass, pulling them down as far as he could. Rey sits up and he follows her, pushing the fabric down his legs, shimmying them off his feet. When she returns to him she gets a good look at him, his full lips swollen, his skin flushed. He's so hot. God, she wants him. 

Giddy, she reaches blow her, eagerly positioning herself before sinking down onto him. She moans out at the same time he groans, leaning her head forward, pressing her face into the juncture at his neck. This is what heaven feels like. She's sure of it. The way to heaven is fucking Ben Solo. 

He bites lightly into her shoulder when her hips begin to move, his fingers digging into her hips. Out of all the girls he slept with, all the girls he made it home with, none of them stood out more than Rey. Now, she's the only one that mattered. Her body fit him perfectly. Her pussy had to be made of gold. It was addictive, and all he wanted was more. 

She doesn't complain when the dominance inside him flares, shifting them on the bed, moving so she was under him. He gathers her wrists in one hand, smirking at her when she pouts, pulling lightly on his grip. Not that she was complaining. He could restrain her all he wanted to. 

"Easy," he breathes into her skin at her neck, lowering himself down to her. With his free hand, he reaches for her thigh, bringing it up to his hip as he begins to thrust. Rey throws her head back, arching her back into him, pressing her peaked nipples into his chest. His slow thrusts weren't enough - she needed more friction. 

"Ben," she gasps out, pulling on her hands once more, his grip only growing tighter. "More, Ben. More." 

His eyes snap to hers, her lips bruised and makeup smeared, but she never looked so beautiful. 

"You want more?" He asks her, trying his best to speed his hips up and fuck her into next year. He's torturing her, she realizes. He's torturing her, and all she can do is let him. Which only turns her on more. 

She nods into her arm, pressing her forehead into the thin muscle there as she squeezes her eyes shut. But his free hand is there to grab her jaw, fingers digging into her skin as he leans down to kiss her. Her heel digs into the small of his back, trying to push him closer to her to no avail. He doesn't let his jaw go until she quite literally can't breathe, parting from him with a deep gasp, her whole body shaking. He was barely doing anything but she was so close.  _So_ close to the edge. If only he pushed her...

"What do you want?" He manages to ask her, biting down her neck. "Hmm?"

"I, uh," she starts, the mouth on her neck and the hips between her legs making words hard to come by. "I..."

He chuckles into her skin. "Do you know how bad I want to fuck you?" He asks, his hips moving slowly against her, his free hand doing little to ease her arousal. " _Really_ fuck you?" 

God, yes. She knows exactly how it feels. For the past week, she's been picturing Ben in Damon's place, pretending her boyfriend is the man on top of her. She'd been dreaming about his dick, the way it would feel in her mouth. The way his fingers would feel buried deep inside her, giving her no choice but to shout his name out until she came. Over and over, she dreams about this very moment, consumed by it every minute of every day. Man, was she fucked. "Yes," she finally breathes, working to open her eyes to look at him. "I know all about that, Ben." 

Ben laughs again. "I don't think you do," he tells her, forcing his hand under her, grabbing a handful of her ass. She lets out a whimper as he pulls her hips up, taking him deeper, hitting that spot within her only he could touch. "The things I want to do to you... The ways I want to fuck you..." 

"Ben?"

"Hmm?"

She takes a deep breath, letting out a whine. "I want you to fuck me the way you want." 

Rey watches his face transform, white teeth in his grin visible in the dark. "You dirty fucking girl," he teases her, a red-hot flush spreading over her body at his words. No one ever talked to her like this, especially during sex, and she wanted to hear it more. More curses. More breaths. More everything. 

She thinks she actually faints when his hips finally speed up, giving her what she wants. She wants to touch him, grab his perfect ass in her hands, but his fingers are still locked around her wrists, holding her prisoner under him. She faintly pulls, wondering what he'd do to her. 

His eyes snap to hers and honestly, she could come just like this. She's in such a state of bliss under him, at this point, he could raw her against a brick wall in some dark alley and she'd fall to her knees and thank him. 

"You're so hot," he breathes, his hips relentless against her, a hand trailing it's way up her stomach, raising goosebumps in its wake. She begins to moan, but his hand closes around her throat, tight enough to cut her off, loose enough to keep her comfortable. "So sexy. So fucking sexy." 

 _Fuck,_ she's never felt like this before. She's never been _manhandled_ like this before, but as his hand squeezes her neck and he fucks her mercilessly, she realizes she could die like this. He could choke her out and fuck her until she lost her mind. And even then she'd never want him to stop. She's screwed. So utterly, fucking screwed. 

He releases the grip on her wrists in order to move his hand to her clit, making her cry out as best she could with the grip on her airways so prominent. She fidgets, unable to stay still as he doubles down on her, his fingers harsh on her core. She has to grab  _something_ , and so she opts for his back, digging her fingernails into the strong skin there, pulling him so tightly to her she's sure she's about to pass out. 

"Shit," he groans out, turning his head to kiss her cheek as his stomach tightens, nearing his end. "Fuck, I want to fucking tear you apart."

It's not long before she's coming at his words, his fingers only increasing with speed, encouraging her to scream out his name. His hand tightens on her throat, her vision blurring, Her orgasm hits her body at full speed, tears leaking from her eyes at the overstimulation, her thighs clamping down around his waist as her nails run down his back. Ben releases her neck and finally she breathes in a deep breath, her whole body stinging at the lack of oxygen. 

Rey kisses his neck as he finishes, his hips rocking into hers sloppily and haphazardly, moaning her name into her shoulder, over and over and over. It's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard. She hopes to hear it again soon.

Cold air greets her when he pulls out of her and rolls over, falling beside her onto his back with a sharp intake of air. She's still shaking with pleasure, her body jolting every so often from aftershocks of her orgasm. 

"Wow," she breathes, blinking up at the high ceiling, her ears filling with muffled music downstairs and uneven breathing from the man beside her. "That was-"

"Better than last time?" He answers her, tilting his head to look at her.

She doesn't have the energy to answer him; he took it all from her. Instead, she just nods, knowing he can see her. 

They lay in silence, both of them catching their breaths, willing their hearts to beat slower. Her heart is beating so loudly in her chest, she's sure he could hear it. Hear what he did to her. What he  _does_ to her. 

"You can stay, you know," he finally says, an arm lazily dangling off the bed, returning to him with his pair of boxers from the floor. "If you want, I mean." 

She smiles as she closes her eyes. "Only if you make me breakfast in the morning." 

She doesn't see him but she hears him, taking a sharp breath in, pretending to gasp. "Is that all this was? A grand scheme to get food out of me?"

"Mmm," she hums, shivering as he reaches a finger out, dragging it up from her thigh to her rib cage. "I have a one-track mind, and it goes directly to food." 

He doesn't say anything; instead, he reaches up, pushing her hair back as his lips go to the sensitive skin beneath her ear. She wants nothing more than to give in to him again, fucking him over and over. But she came here with Rose, and it wouldn't be fair to her friend to just leave her with a man who isn't her boyfriend.

Rey's eyes fly open. Shit.  _Rose_. 

"I, um," she suddenly says, sitting up abruptly, narrowly missing bumping foreheads with him. She brings an arm up to cover her chest, suddenly aware of where they are and what she just did. What she just did with someone who is  _not_ her boyfriend. "I have to go. I can't leave my friend." 

He drops his hand from her hair, easing off of her. "Okay," he nods, leaning back against the headboard, watching her slide off the bed. 

She struggles a bit, finding bits and pieces of her costume on the floor in the dark. At one point, while stepping into her heels, she almost falls, and she blushes crimson when she hears Ben laugh from the bed behind her. God, this was the least sexy exit she's ever made. "I have to turn the light on," she murmurs to him, feeling along the wall for the switch. She squits when the room is illuminated, the fluorescents hard on her pupils that were so used to the dark. She makes it a point to ignore the man on the other side of the room, afraid to face him once she can really see him. She makes her way to the mirror resting on a dresser, her stomach sinking when she sees her reflection.

There was no hope in saving her red lipstick, the color all but stripped from her lips. There are tear stains in her foundation. Her hair is knotted and her lips are swollen. There's no way she can hide this from Rose. 

He's actually laughing at her now, and so she finally turns to him after wiping at the mascara beneath her eyes, unable to keep a straight face. "Are you happy?" She asks, crossing her arms over her chest. "You've completely ruined me." 

"Not yet," he says with a raise of an eyebrow, giving her one last look before her exit. "But I plan to." 

Fuck. If she doesn't get out of this room right now she's going to pounce on him, and so with a short laugh, she makes her way to the door, not bearing another look before closing the door behind her, immersing herself in the party once more. 

She feels her way through the dark hallway, eventually finding her way to the stairs. 

"Rey!" she hears Rose call out. "Rey!"

She hopes Rose is too drunk to notice the state she's in, turning to her friend walking up to her, Finn in tow, hand in hand. "Hey! We just started looking for you." 

"Did you have fun?" Rose shouts over the music, slurring her words. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," she nods, grabbing Rose's free hand, beginning to help her down the stairs. "I did everything I wanted to here." 

Rose laughs, pulling Rey into a hug. But when she pulls away, Finn looks at her funny. 

"What?" Rey asks him.

Finn only points to his neck, trying to tell her what's wrong. "You have... something..." 

Rey and Rose make their way to the closest mirror, against the wall in the foyer, near the exit of the house. They were  _so close_ to getting out of here. But when she sees her reflection, her stomach drops, pins and needles forming all along her skin. There, on her neck, were five bruises beginning to form, perfectly in the shape of Ben's fingers. She turns her head hesitantly, her hair dropping behind her shoulder, only revealing more hickeys behind her ears. Her eyebrows shoot up, praying to whatever God there was that Rose wouldn't notice and Finn wouldn't press it further.

"Let's just go," she mumbles, grabbing Rose's hand again, pulling her out the door after she kisses Finn goodbye. 

"You know," her friend says, trying her best to keep her balance on the gravel walkway. "I had a lot of fun! I'm glad you came with me." 

"Yeah," Rey agrees, digging into Rose's purse for her keys. She wasn't drunk but she  _felt_ drunk when she was with Ben, and now that she's back into the cold, she's as sober than ever. "Me too." 

She helps Rose into the passenger seat, even doing her seatbelt for her. When she closes the door, she allows herself to look back at the house, finding the window that was surely Ben's. The light was off, and she wonders briefly if he went back to the party, or fell asleep, or even went to go find another girl. Something inside her stirs when she thinks about him, and she rubs her thighs together to rid herself of the feeling. No one made her feel this way. As she makes her way over to the driver's side of the car, she realizes she's not going to let this feeling go.

She had a feeling she'd be back. 


	2. New Year's Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I tried to get this out on New Year's, but alas. Hopefully, a week late is the same thing :)
> 
> chapter songs: I'm Into You by Chet Faker, Animals by Nickleback (yes I know, you can laugh, but a girl needs inspiration for smut, okay?)
> 
> Enjoy! :)

"Ben Solo without a date on  _New Year's_? Alert the presses!" 

He doesn't even have to look up from his book to know who it is. He fights the tug at the corner of his lips when he glances up at Rey, a Party City 'Happy New Year's!' paper tiara and a low-cut tank top meeting him. She's smirking at him, dark lipstick spreading as her smirk turns into a grin as she leans forward over his table in the corner of the bar, her eyes falling to the book in his hands. 

"You're  _reading_? In a bar on  _New Year's_?  _Tell me_ you're joking!"

He only lets out a chuckle, quickly realizing the woman in front of him is well past intoxicated. He points at his friends on the dance floor, doing their best impressions of dancing with a few sophomores they picked up on the way from their house to the bar. "It's my turn to be the designated driver," Ben tells her, just loud enough for only her to hear over the loud music, watching her eyes follow the direction of his finger. "I'm trying my hand at being a responsible adult for once." 

When she turns back to him, she raises a perfect eyebrow. "Trust me, Ben. After the last presidency, a First Family DUI scandal will look like nothing." 

He smiles, folding the corner of the page he was on, shutting the book before discarding it on the table in front of him. He wasn't going to do much of anything as long as Rey is in front of him. Plus it wasn't good on his eyes to read in the dark, anyway. "I'd rather not test that theory. My liver needed a break anyway. I'm good."

She pouts at him, her perfect bottom lip jutting out in faux disappointment. "But it's  _New Year's_!" 

He widens his eyes at her, teasing her. "You don't say?"

" _Ben!"_

He laughs then, watching her cross her arms and roll her eyes at him. Her cheeks are flushed and the flyaway hairs that frame her face are sticking to her forehead. Her dark eyes are cloudy, but they're focused solely on him. After a beat, he scoots over in the booth to make room for her, and she beams at him, accepting the seat with glee. He notices then that her tank top is not just a sparkly tank top but a sparkly  _dress_ , one that barely covers the top of her tanned thighs. It reminds him too much of the lingerie she wore on Halloween and he feels the heat rising up his neck, no doubt going to his cheeks. He swallows as he glances away from her, looking to his friends. 

He'd be lying if he said he didn't notice her the second he walked into the bar just outside of the university grounds. He heard her laugh before he ever actually saw her, contagious and harmonious, an unexpected trace of a smile breaking through his otherwise stoic expression. His body willed him to go to her, his fingertips itching to grab her. But they have yet to even acknowledge each other in a public setting, and he hasn't heard from her since that night on Halloween. He didn't know if she regretted what they did together, and he was afraid that if they spoke again, his fear would become reality. But she was the one who approached him this time around, and he hated the way his stomach flipped and zig-zagged as she flipped her hair over her shoulder just now, exposing him to the long line of her tanned neck.

"So," she starts, and he subconsciously tilts his head toward her to hear her better over the music. Now that he's closer he can smell the alcohol on her breath. He crinkles his nose -  _fireball_. His initiation to the fraternity involved way too many shots of it, and now he can barely stomach the stench of it. "You're  _really_ not here with anyone?"

"I'm  _really_ not," he teases her, throwing an arm over the back of the booth absentmindedly. He doesn't miss the way she moves closer to him, but just barely. "Would you care if I was?"

She purses her lips at him before a smile eventually breaks. She puts her elbows on the table in front of them and leans forward, and he doesn't miss the way her back arches slightly as she looks back at him, her eyes low and fiery. "Maybe."

He has to find some way to fight the emotions blooming in his stomach, and so he decides to bring himself back to reality. "What about you? Where's sporto?"

"Not heeeeere," Rey laughs at the nickname, a hand landing on his knee while the other goes to cover her mouth. "He's been out of the country since late November. Can't say I miss him."

Ben's practically relieved. At least this time he won't be on the same square mile of University soil as that dumbass when he fucks his girlfriend. _Can't say I miss him either._  He swallows again, taking a breath as he reminds himself that she _does_ have a boyfriend, regardless of how stupid he was. Eventually, he should probably respect that. He reaches forward to grab the glass of water sitting on the table, taking a sip before trying to pass it off to her. 

"You need it more than I do," he tells her, noticing that the hand on his knee doesn't seem to be removing itself anytime soon, her fingers tapping on his jeans, pathetically off-beat to whatever rap song they're playing through the speakers. "Drink." 

"Or we could do shots?" she asks, hopeful as she squeezes at his knee.  _Fuck_. He only shakes his head at her. "Oh, but you're such a fun drunk, Ben!"

As tempting as it was to take a swig of tequila and lick salt from her neck, he shakes his head at her. "If I remember correctly, we get in lots of trouble when we're inebriated." Ben reaches out to touch her nose, a way to tease her, but she moves, and his finger falls on her lips instead. He pulls his hand back as if she burned him, and her smile grows wider. 

"You say it like it's a bad thing."

"It certainly isn't a _good_ thing."

She sways slightly, and she catches herself by squeezing his knee once more.  _Fuck!_  "I think we both know you don't believe that for a second, Ben Solo." 

The selfishness in him wants to agree - the best sex he ever had was with the alluring woman sitting next to him. So that's probably why he doesn't put up much of a fight when she turns into him, her knee brushing his as her hand moves just  _slightly_ higher. She leans into him and puts her lips dangerously close to his ear, and he only swallows, closing his eyes briefly to pray to whatever God there is that he can find enough restraint to not bed this girl over the table right now. 

"I think," she continues, the warmth of her breath searing his skin. "That you  _like_ me."

He scoffs at the idea, but she notices he doesn't dare move an inch away from her. "Yeah, right." 

"You do!" She protests, playfully slapping at his arm. "You were awfully fast at getting me out of my dress on Halloween."

Ben squints at her. "If I remember correctly," he tells her, leaning into her even more. His lips just barely graze her cheek, and he feels her shiver. " _You_ chased  _me_." 

She laughs in his ear. "You chased me  _first._ "

Which she was right, that was true. The first time they started...  _whatever_ this was, he was the one who followed her outside and got her to talk to him. He was the one who wiped her tears and convinced her to go back inside and rejoin the party with him. He was the one who slept with her even though he knew she had a boyfriend. But if he never did that, Rey would never be here with  _him_ right now, and so he wasn't going to apologize anytime soon. 

He exhales as he feels a hand run up his arm, the arm closest to the wall so most of the people in the bar couldn't see her touch, resting her fingers on his shoulder. He wants nothing more than to grab her waist and kiss her, but he can't- she isn't his to touch. "Guess that makes us even then." 

She pulls back to look at him, and it takes everything in him to not grab her and pull her back to him. "That's it, then?" She asks him, looking down at the hand playing with the collar of his button-down shirt. When her gaze goes back to his, her eyes are full of fire. "We're even? We're done?"

He blinks at her. He didn't mean it that way, but he probably should have. It would be in their best interest to end this sooner rather than later, but she's already in all of his thoughts. Even if they stopped now, it wouldn't make a difference. When he closes his eyes, all he sees is her, under him with eyes closed and lips parted, sighing his name. It wasn't fucking fair.

"Ten seconds to midnight!" Someone screams, and the music stops, cheering filling the room instead. "Nine!... Eight!... Seven!"

Rey looks to Ben, somewhat expectantly. If he wanted an out, she would give it to him.

"Six!... Five!... Four!"

He could get up right now and forget any of this happened. She wouldn't blame him, and they could move on with their lives.

"Three!... Two!"

"Well?" She breathes, scooting closer. And he probably  _should_ get up and leave her now, at least until she sorts out the mess that was her private life. But something in him anchors him to this very spot, and he can't help but reach up and push the hair in her eyes behind her ear. She closes her eyes at his touch.

"One!... Happy New Year!"

Confetti is being thrown around them as Ben makes his choice, and gently, he leans in, the hand in her hair going to her cheek as he presses his lips to hers. He can feel her smile against him, the fingers at his shoulder squeezing the muscle there, her free hand going to grip his side. She tastes of cinnamon and alcohol, but that doesn't stop the desire coursing through him, the thousands of images he hoarded of her, on her back beneath him, her hair free and her skin soft to the touch, all coming to the forefront of his mind. Was he crazy? He couldn't just walk away from this. From her.

She begrudgingly releases him from her grip when he leans back, tasting his lips with his tongue as he takes a breath. If he didn't stop kissing her, he's sure he'd be fucking her right in this booth. And as appealing as that was, he had to restrain himself. Not only were they in public, but he also  _kissed_ her in public. Someone was bound to have seen it, even if they were in a dark corner of the bar. 

Rey nudges his nose with hers and he realizes he doesn't really give a fuck at all if anyone saw them. He just wanted her. "Your place or mine?" She murmurs, placing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Another on his cheek and then her lips are on his neck, searing the skin on the underside of his jaw.  _Holy shit._

"Uh-," he stalls, his mind flatlining. It wasn't every day where a girl got him off his game, but lately, Rey has been doing it way too much for his liking. 

The hand traveling up the inside of his thigh doesn't need a hit that his pants are becoming uncomfortably tight because the evidence is right in front of her. "Hmm?" She breathes against him, using her hand to peel back his collar before pressing her lips into the skin she just revealed. 

He can't find the words to answer her until she's palming him through his jeans. Ben jumps, grabbing her wrist before he lets out any sort of moan. "Mine," he says quickly, and he can't help but shudder at the downright dirty smirk she gives him. "We'll go to my place." 

Discreetly, they manage to find their way out of the bar together, undetected by either of their friends. He manages to text his friends once they're outside, letting them know with frenzied fingers that he had an emergency and he had to leave, promising to pay them back double whatever the cab fare ends up being. And, judging by the way Rey is holding onto him for balance and nibbling at his ear, calling this an  _emergency_ wasn't all too much a stretch. 

He can't get her into his car fast enough. He's able to remember what little he learned from an etiquette class, opening the passenger door for her. She makes a big show of fawning over him and his politeness, and it takes everything in him not to kiss that smirk off her face.

"You know," she starts, tracing the leather on the dashboard with feather-light fingertips. "I've never been in  _Ben Solo's_ car before." 

He smirks as he starts his car, the dangerous engine roaring to life as he looks in the rearview mirror to back out of its parking spot. "Must be your lucky day." 

She grins at him as they turn onto the main road, making their way back towards campus and the row of sorority and fraternity houses. "When can I  _drive_ it?"

He raises his eyebrows and chokes out a laugh, looking over to her once they reach a red light. "Let's not get too ahead of ourselves now."

"I bet I can talk you into it," she thinks aloud, watching him even after he puts his eyes back on the road. "You'll see." 

He couldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she was probably right, so he stays silent. 

When they finally get to the fraternity house, Ben lets out a sigh of relief he didn't even know he was keeping in. He's grateful that most of the cars in the lot in front of the house are gone because the last thing he needed right now was any interruptions. Warmth spreads throughout his chest when Rey reaches for his hand, falling into step with him as they make it up the drive and to the front door. She's patient as he digs around in his pocket to pull out his key card to slide it over the reader and unlock the door, but the second he opens the door she pulls him inside, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him down to kiss her. 

Rey's hand finds purchase in his back pocket as he has enough mind to reach behind him and close the door, tugging him closer to her. He stifles a groan, forcing himself to take a breath and part from her as she begins to work on the buttons on his shirt.

"We can't do this here," he pants quietly against her lips, not putting up much of a protest when she smiles at him, pushing his shirt from his shoulders. The heat from her hand on his bare chest is enough to burn the whole house down, but they  _can't_ do this here. Chances are there's at least one other person in this house, and unlike last time, the air is dead silent. Even a breath could tip someone off to what they're doing, and he doesn't exactly feel like being caught by one of his fraternity brothers having sex with her in the middle of the entryway. 

Rey, however, doesn't seem to share the same concern, and so he grabs his shirt with one hand and her fingers with another, luring her up the stairs behind him. He feels her eyes burning into his back, fuck, why is this hallway so  _long_?

When they finally reach it, he can't pull her into his room fast enough. He smacks the door closed behind her, and he can't seem to bring himself to care about how loud he slammed it - not with the way Rey is currently biting at his neck. 

Her hands are already at his belt, quick to undo it, the metal jingling as she goes to unzip his jeans. But his fingers are faster, forcing the zipper on the back of her dress down, giving her just enough time to pull it down and step out of it before he tugs her by the waist back to him. She's wearing bright, lacy lingerie underneath, and he can't help but raise an eyebrow at her, a smirk forming on swollen lips.

She reddens. "I'll admit this was premeditated." 

His smirk turns into a grin as his hands go her backside and grab at her ass. "You planned on seducing me this whole time?"

Rey shrugs, her hands going to his pants again, continuing her work. "I didn't know you'd be at that bar tonight, but I hoped you would be. And if not, I had a feeling I'd end up here, anyway." 

Ben is still smiling as she stands up to kiss him, gripping the waistband of his jeans, pulling them down. He kicks them off as he pushes her backward, cradling her to him as they fall back against his bead together. As if it were a natural thing for her body to do, she immediately spreads her thighs, allowing Ben to settle his hips between them. She sighs as he presses into her, his erection rubbing against her core deliciously. 

She's so lost in his kiss, she doesn't realize his hand dives beneath the waistband of her panties until a finger enters her. Rey lets out a gasp, the arms around his torso tightening.

"This okay?" He breathes against her neck, his voice restrained as his fingers coax another gasp from her lips, light and airy. 

"Don't even ask me that," she tells him, tilting her head back against the pillows as he sucks on a particular part of her neck, just below her jaw. His fingers begin to speed up, and she finds herself rocking her hips against his hand, her body begging him for more. "Everything you do is more than okay." 

He chuckles against her, and she shivers when she feels it in her chest. Another finger enters her, and then a thumb is at her clit, and she has no choice but to throw her head back and moan into the air above her. 

"You have no regard for being quiet, do you?" He teases her, focusing on her pleasure. She opens her eyes and looks up at him, her lips parting with a sharp breath as his fingers continue to fuck her. 

"Do you want me to be quiet?" She asks him breathlessly, squeezing her eyes shut again once his long fingers hit that certain spot deep within her. 

Ben grins down at her. "Hell no." 

Rey has no doubt that she would be able to come on three of his fingers alone, but she soon finds herself whining in his ear, begging him for more. She's impatient, and she craves for him to fuck her the way he did on Halloween, fast and relentless. 

"Ben," she breathes against his cheek, shivering as her core begins to tighten.  _Fuck,_ she needs him so bad. "Ben."

"Hmm?" 

She pulls on his hair, tugging him just enough away from her so she could see his eyes. They're dark and hazy, lust clouding his vision. "Fuck me already." 

He lets out a hard breath before nodding, removing his fingers from her, blood rushing to his center as she instantly wraps her legs around his waist. He brings himself to his knees, keeping a hand on Rey's back to hold her close as he reaches over, opening the drawer in the bedside table, fishing out a condom. She keeps herself busy by reaching behind herself to unclasp her bra, tossing it to the side of the bed. He swallows thickly as he watches her raise her hips off the bed, hooking a finger beneath the lace of her panties, coasting them down her thighs. She kicks out of them before her fingers go to his waist, helping him out of his boxers. 

She literally sees stars when she feels the pressure of him push into her, and he lets out a strained groan against her lips as he begins to fuck her. She bites his bottom lip and he groans again, speeding up his hips with every thrust.

It's urgent like it was on Halloween but it isn't desperate. There's no friend waiting for her this time around. They aren't sneaking through shadows at some party hoping to not get caught. She could fuck him all night if she wanted to without consequence. He hitches a thigh up on his hip. She squeezes her fingers into his shoulder. She never wanted anything so badly in her life. 

The pleasure gets to be too great, and her lips slide off his with a moan that was probably too loud for the quietness of this house. She didn't care. Let everyone know. Let everyone know that Ben Solo is doing this to her, repercussions be damned. Nothing else mattered at this moment. Her thighs begin to twitch as she knots a hand in his dark hair, and she turns to him when his mouth goes to her jaw, putting her lips to his ear.

"I don't want you fucking anyone else," she breathes against his cheek, hugging herself to him as she rocks her hips. The hand in his hair tightens as the one on his shoulder travels down his back, fingers digging into hard muscle. He shudders. "Only me."

If he's being completely honest, she didn't even have to tell him. He couldn't get her out of his head since Halloween, and to put it bluntly, the only thing he's been fucking since then was his hand. But he chooses not to tell her that; instead, he bites down on the skin behind her ear, trying to pull a moan from her throat once more, satisfaction spreading through him when he succeeds.

Silence doesn't seem to be enough for her, because the hand in his hair pulls him away from her, tilting his head to make him look at her. "Is that an order?" He finally breathes, his hips stilling completely. 

She can't force him to do anything. Honestly, it's even wrong of her to bring this up. It wasn't fair for her to nail him down as a one-woman man when she wasn't even completely his. But at this moment, she was selfish. She doesn't want anyone else to feel the pleasure she was feeling at the hands of Ben Solo. "And if it was?"

He begins to move his hips once more, and the face she makes, eyes screwed shut and full lips open, is enough to finish him right then and there. But he grits his teeth and buries his face in the crook of her neck, biting at her hot skin. "Only you," he breathes into her, fingers tightening on her waist.

Rey can't help but be glad he didn't ask the same of her. She wasn't ready to deal with that, especially now. At this point, in the state of her current relationship with Damon, Ben technically is the only man she's sleeping with. But that's a conversation for a different time, and so she only focuses on the pleasure he's bringing her now. 

She lets out a yelp when he tugs at her hip, pulling out of her. "Roll over," he tells her, the fingers digging into her hip pleading with her. "Please," he adds, making her let out a breathless giggle.

His eyes are so intense that she's happy to oblige, unwrapping her legs from around his waist, flipping herself until her chest presses into his soft bed. She can't help but raise her backside into the air, her fingers digging into the sheets by her face. She needed release more than air at this point. " _Fuck,"_ she hears him mutter behind her before entering her again from behind. 

She could die. She never felt pleasure as great as this, and the angle isn't as deep but it  _does_ hit that spot of desire within her. And when his fingers become relentless on her clit, she cries out, tears actually forming in her eyes. Rey feels him lean over her, and she can feel the heat radiating from his chest.

"You like that?" He asks, breathless as a hand closes over hers, intertwining their fingers. She can't help but glance at their hands, the intimacy of it just enough to send her over the edge. 

Rey lets out a string of curses, her hips erratic as they move against his, her toes curling as she comes. The fingers on her core don't let up, and a tear or two squeaks out of her eyes, the pleasure almost too great. She's going to die, this is too much. 

"You're so good," he praises her, his free hand going to her hair. She cries out as his thrusts become more crazed, nearing his end. "Fuck, Rey. So, so good for me."

The sound he makes when he comes is practically enough to send Rey into another orgasm, it's so strained and sexy. His hips slow and then stop completely, and she feels hollow when he separates himself from her. She pries her fingers loose from his bedding, her body shaking as she finally lets herself fall against the bed, spent. 

With a grunt, Ben stands, removing the condom before tying it, tossing it in the trash bin. She's more than eager to welcome him back to bed, hands reaching for him as he nears her. He lets out a deep breath as he settles next to her on his back, her arms finding their way around his waist. 

"You staying this time?" He asks her, blinking up at the ceiling. He hears her giggle beside him, her lips pressing into his shoulder as she turns onto her side. "You walked out on me last time."

"Not entirely my fault," she says, smiling as he angles his head to look at her. "Do you want me to stay?"

She doesn't give him much time to answer before she's moving to straddle him, her fingers digging into his shoulder as she leans down to kiss him. "Stay," he breathes against her lips, fingers twitching as they grip her hips, his body more than willing to fuck her all over again. 

Rey smiles into his mouth as he kisses her. Nothing mattered outside of this room. Her friends, Damon... it could all wait. None of it mattered when Ben could make such strong desire course through her, something she never felt before in her life. At least for tonight, her mind was at peace. He was all that mattered. She wanted nothing else. And when she lowers herself onto him once more, watching his face twist in pleasure, she realizes something. It runs deeper than lust. The way she responds to his touch, the way he can make butterflies form in her stomach when he looks at her... she likes him. Fuck, she  _likes_ him. And there's not a damn thing she can do about it.

She's so fucked. So undeniably fucked. He promised her he'd ruin her, and she can't help but hope he's right.

God, it feels good to go down in flames.


	3. Spring Semester

"When I said we need to spend more time together," Rey hears him murmur, watching him slide into the seat next to her, flinging his notebook onto the tiny lecture hall desk. "This isn't what I meant." 

She rolls her eyes at him. "Ben, I had no idea you'd be in this class."

"Yes, you did. I told you about it last week." 

Rey huffs at him, turning her attention back to the classwork on her computer. That was true, he did tell her that he was in the ethics in American Politics class as a way to please his parents, but she didn't think she had to tell him she already registered for the class two months prior. She'd thought they'd have more than one section, and so she didn't think she'd ever actually  _see_ him at school.

"I didn't know you'd be in this  _specific_ class," she clarifies, sliding her eyes over to him. It was still cold outside, but Ben wore nothing more than a dark gray hoodie under a leather jacket pulled tight by his shoulders. He clearly hasn't shaved, because stubble is forming on his jaw, and  _god_ he's hot. She pulls her eyes back up to his when he looks at her. "I signed up for this class before you even told me. I thought there'd be other sections." 

"Guess not," he says, mostly to himself, sinking in his seat as the professor stands, introducing himself before passing out the syllabus for the semester.

"Well I'm sorry you're stuck in a class with me," she says, giving him a face as she hands him the stack of papers after taking one from the bottom. "Didn't realize it'd be that bad for you." 

His eyes widen at her. "What? No, that's not it. Quite the opposite, actually." He runs a hand through his hair then, sitting up straighter in his seat. "It's just... I'm graduating after this semester. I was trying to get through all these classes without any distractions." 

Rey can't help the tug at the corner of her lips, forming the faintest smirk. She turns to him, watching him. "Do I distract you?"

He glances at her, his eyes dark. "Do I really have to answer that?"

She bites down on her bottom lip to keep herself from smiling, and she doesn't miss the way he casts his eyes down to her mouth. "I'll wear sweatpants more often, I suppose." 

That earns her a laugh, and she can't help smile at him before opening a blank document to take notes from the lecture. She tries her best to concentrate, but every time he moves, every time he bounces his knee or shifts in his seat, it reminds her that he's next to her, only fanning the flames of the low fire at her core, something she's been unable to extinguish since they started their indiscretions. 

When the hour is up and students start to pack up their belongings, he turns to her, tapping her knee before standing. "Is this your last class?" 

"Today? Yeah." 

He tilts his head towards the door, pulling the strap of his backpack onto his broad shoulder. "Come to the library with me? I figured I can get a jump start on a few assignments." 

Her eyes cut to the rest of the students filing out the lecture hall, trying to see if there's anyone who knows her or if anyone would see what's transpiring between them now and report something back to Damon. "Sure," she says once she decides the coast is clear, giving him a small smile. "It wouldn't hurt to finish a few things early."

* * *

Honestly, she should have known that studying was the last thing on his mind when he invited her to the library with him. Because here she is, perched on a desk with his hips in between her legs in a locked study room, arms around him possessively as he kisses her. Or maybe that's why she agreed to go in the first place because she knew that this would happen. 

She shivers when he runs his hands up her jean-covered thighs. "You tricked me," she hums against his mouth, pulling him closer by the collar of his jacket. She feels him chuckle against her.

"I don't see you complaining." 

Rey grins at him as she circles her arms around his torso beneath his jacket, shivering at the warmth of his body. "I'm not," she agrees, giggling as he lightly pinches the muscle on her hip. 

She pulls him back in, feeling him exhale as a hand goes to her jaw to tilt her head up, kissing her deeper. His lips are absolutely addictive against hers, his tongue magic. She doesn't understand it; she can't get enough of him. She wants him so bad. But even if they're in a private study room with the door locked and the blinds shut, they're still in public, and she can't have him. Yet, at least. But that doesn't stop her from hitching her leg higher on her hip, earning another chuckle from deep in his throat as his hand goes to grip her knee. 

"Rey," he warns her when her fingers dip into his back pockets anyway, pushing his hips closer. "I never took you as an exhibitionist."

 She blushes. "I'm not," she says, shivering as his hand reaches beneath her sweater, pushing it up to her ribs. "But you underestimate how bad I want you."

"You underestimate how bad I want  _you_." 

With that, he brings his lips down to hers again, letting out a small groan as she leans herself back on the table, pulling him down over her. She props herself up on her elbow while the other arm goes to wrap around his shoulders, kissing him deeper, her tongue running over his teeth. His hands are running up and down her sides, his movements slow and calculated, his fingers begging him to do so much more than just  _kiss_ her.

Ben lets out a sharp breath and a light laugh when she begins to rock her hips against his, pulling away from her completely despite her protests. "I have an idea," he tells her, leaning in for another quick kiss.

"Hmm?" She breathes against him. "And what's that?" 

"Let's go out tonight." 

She physically halts, the fingers on his collar stalling. "Uh-," she stalls, wetting her swollen lips with her tongue. "Like a date?"

He shrugs easily - if he was as downright nervous as she was right now, he did an excellent job of hiding it from her. "Doesn't have to be. We could just get food or something." 

Rey thinks. Her obvious answer would be yes - not only would she be able to get to know him more, but she genuinely  _liked_ him. Damon never took her on dates anymore, and _dammit_ , Ben made her smile. 

But her obvious answer should be  _no_. Sleeping with him was one thing; they were alone where no one would catch them, and she was always so turned on she didn't have the brain capacity to care about anything else, much less her boyfriend. Plus, dates weren't exactly a private affair. Damon was back from his vacation, and at this moment, he was somewhere on this campus.  _That's_ morally where she should be, not running her fingers through the President's son's hair.

"We don't have to," his voice breaks through her thoughts, taking a step away from her as he notes her long pause in answering him. "If you don't want to, we don't have to do anything. We can do another night of Thai takeout on your couch while you watch _The Bachelor_ reruns again."

Rey can't help but laugh at their memory from last Sunday as she pulls him back to her. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you  _like_ _The Bachelor_."

"Absolutely not," he says, scrunching his nose. "I'm almost ninety percent certain that reality TV kills brain cells." 

"But that's what makes it so good!" 

He scoffs at her, but his arms find their way around her waist nevertheless. "So you'll be subjecting me another night of torture, I presume?"

Her hands go to rest on his warm chest. "No," she smiles, shaking her head. "Rose is going to be home tonight. I'd love to go on a date. And I know just the place." 

Rey leans in to kiss him, but the shrill ring of his phone breaks through the room, freezing her in his place. With a light curse, he pulls his cell out of his front pocket, drawing his brows together as he looks at the ID. She's close enough to sneak a peek, and she sees _MOM_ in three big letters light up his screen. "I have to take this," he tells her, leaning in to give her a quick and final kiss before breaking away from her, grabbing his backpack from the table. "But text me when you're free. I'll pick you up." 

She nods as she watches him leave, an airy smile gracing his lips as he answers. And she can't help but smile herself, because there's something heartwarming about a man who would rather answer his mother on the first ring than make out with a very willing participant right in front of him. 

Rey sighs, rolling her shoulders back, looking up at the tiled ceiling. She recognized that feeling forming in the pit of her stomach, a mixture of anxiety and giddiness and warmth, all at once.

She was falling in love.

* * *

"So does the secret service know about me?"

The corner of Ben's lips ticking upward at her words from his seat across from her, letting himself finish chewing his bite of pizza before answering her. "Why do you ask?"

"I dunno," she says with a playful shrug, reaching for another slice from the tray in front of them.  _God_ , now that she tasted New York style pizza since coming to school in Boston, she was never going back. "Just that your mom's the President and all. I feel like they did a background check on me and questioned all my neighbors by now."

"They did," he deadpans, taking a sip of water. "You're on their watch list." 

Her eyes widen, her heart sinking to her stomach. "What? What does that mean? Is it like the TSA no-fly list or something? What did I even do? Was it because I stole that candy bar in Phoenix? Because I was only eleven!"

Ben seems to no longer be able to compose himself as she begins to apologize for everything she's ever done in the past twenty-one years, because he lets out a chuckle into his cup, unable to hide his grin from her any longer. "I'm totally fucking with you." 

Her jaw drops. "Ben Solo!" She exclaims, reaching over the table to shove his shoulder back into the booth. "I hate you." 

"No, they don't know about you," he laughs, shaking his head. "At least, I don't think. If they knew, I'm sure my mother would have been calling for a completely different reason."

She twirls her straw in her cup, watching the ice cubes swirl around in her tea. She led him to one of her favorite places tonight, Brooklyn's Pizzeria on the other side of town. It was by far the best pizza she's ever had, but better yet, it was a bit run-down. Not only did that add to the appeal for her, but it also practically guaranteed none of her friends would ever step foot inside. "Why did she call?" 

Ben lets out a breath, leaning back in the booth. "Eh, nothing important."

"You can tell me," she can't help but let out, her eyes flitting to his. "If you want, I mean." 

A beat goes by before he seems to decide whatever decision was forming in his head, and he leans forward, pressing his elbows into the table. "She wants me coming back home," he tells her, watching her take another bite of pizza. "I think she wants me to join her staff." 

She narrows her eyes at him. "I thought you wanted to be a historian, not a politician." 

"I do," he tells her. "That's the problem. No one takes the whole historian thing seriously." 

Rey listens to him as he talks, airing his grievances about his parents and the pressure they put him under to be something he doesn't want to be. She remembers when she was in eleventh grade and his mom was just elected for her first term. Even before then, when 18-year-old Ben Solo was thrust into the political spotlight, everyone was already talking about what a great leader he would be if he followed in his mother's footsteps. He was a soccer star at his expensive high school which earned the respect of the boys in her grade, and he wasn't exactly ugly, which gained him quite a few female fans. 

But that whole image was never really Ben Solo. It was a media-induced facade that tried to make him this hunky First Son who would break hearts and continue the political family dynasty when in reality, he was a total history nerd who joined a fraternity strictly for acclimating service hours for grad school and snored way too loudly in his sleep. Magazines only publish the scandalous things, like when he once left a British club a few years back with Prince Harry while blackout drunk, rather than him skipping a hundred parties to lock himself in the library for three days to study. 

"My parents mean well I'm sure, but I just wish they'd let me do what I want," he finishes, sitting back in his seat. "It's always so much pressure. Politics just isn't _me_ , and I wish they'd get that." 

She offers a sympathetic half-smile. "I guess we both have people trying to make us things we're not."

"Like Damon?"

Rey frowns at him. She doesn't want him saying that name again.  _He doesn't exist_.

"Rey..." He starts again, his voice softer as he leans forward. "I have to ask. Why are you still with him?"

It didn't feel like she was. She only saw him once since he returned from his trip, and they didn't even touch. But at the end of the day, they were still together, and Ben cared. Of  _course,_ he cared, why wouldn't he? He's fucking her for crying out loud. "Too much on the line," she finally settles on. 

She feels him reach for her under the narrow table, his fingertips going to grab her knee. "Come on, Rey," he says, his thumb rubbing over her jeans. "You don't even spend any time with him. Is he holding something over your head like some sort of twisted blackmail?"

"No." Rey rolls her eyes at his lame joke. "I just... he has money and connections. I have neither." 

He raises an eyebrow at her. "So you're with him for the money?"

She reddens at his words. "It's not like that... It wasn't always like that. He used to be nice when we were only friends freshman year, but somewhere along the line, he changed... and then that weekend before Halloween happened. I always had my suspicions he was cheating on me, but that was the first time I actually had proof." 

Ben nods at her words, remembering the picture she showed him that was sent to her, his bare back in someone else's bed. "I mean, we're not much better, right?"

"No. I'm worse." Her shoulders drop, and why did he have to ruin the mood like this? "Cheating out of spite? I would have never done that a few years ago. I should have never done it." 

He looks at her then, silent for a beat. "I would like to have thought that this was more than just spiteful revenge for you."

"Not in the beginning," she says truthfully, reaching out to play with her straw again, unable to look at him. She was attracted to him, obviously. She was drawn to him. He made her laugh and made her blush. But what initially pushed her to do what they did that first night was her pain and her anger at Damon. She felt so dirty, talking like this, thinking like this. 

"Do you regret what happened? You and me?"

Rey opens her mouth but all that slips through is a hot breath of air. "I... yeah," she admits. "It was a mistake. I messed up." 

His gaze is burning a hole through her head, forcing her to look up at meet his gaze. His eyes were hardened, his jaw clenched as he processed her regret. "Well," he starts, and she can't help but note the edge in his voice. "I'm sorry we slept together, I guess." 

"Do you?" She asks him. "Regret it?"

He shrugs, checking out of the conversation. "Whatever." 

She doesn't know why, but that one little word annoys her to no end. "Just 'whatever'? No explanation whatsoever?"

"What do you want me to say, Rey?" He asks, his cheeks flushed at the confrontation. "Yeah, if I knew you'd still be with your cheating boyfriend four months later, I probably wouldn't have slept with you in the first place." 

Rey suddenly hates that she's an angry crier because tears are already beginning to pinch the backs of her eyes as frustration bubbles up her throat. "Why is this suddenly such a big issue for you? A month ago you couldn't have cared less, and  _now_ this is a pressing enough matter to fight over." 

He reddens. "It doesn't matter." 

"Ben, talk to me." No answer. "At least tell me  _why._ "

"Because I like you," he tells her, his eyes finally going to hers. "A lot, okay? And I'm getting tired of not being able to hold your hand or walk you to class or take you on a fucking date that's not thirty minutes from downtown."

She blinks. "Ben-"

"Let's just go," he mumbles, standing up as he reaches into his pocket to fetch his wallet. He tosses a $100 bill on the table before grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair. "I'll take you home." 

She eyes the cash left on the table. "Really?" 

He looks at her incredulously. "What, now I can't leave a tip for the waiter?" 

"The bill was  _thirteen_ _dollars_ , Ben."

He sighs, running an irritated hand through his dark hair. "Is there something wrong with giving someone a nice tip?"

_No_ , she thinks. Obviously not, especially if you have the means to do so. But she's annoyed, and she'd rather die at this moment than admit he's right. She knows she's being ridiculous, but she can't control the words that spill out of her mouth. "By the way, I can pay for myself. I don't need you doing me any favors." 

"Funny," he can't help but say, following her as she blows past him to reach the exit. "So why are you with Damon, then?"

Rey can physically feel the color leave her face as she turns to face him, his dig stinging. How dare he throw this back in her face? She told him her situation because she thought she could trust him, but he's already proving to her that he isn't worthy of _trust_. "I'll walk home," she tells him calmly, trying her best to keep her composure in a public restaurant. Because right now, all she wanted to do is scream and stomp away. Maybe even dump her iced tea over his head. 

She hears him curse as she pushes the door open, going after her as she steps into the snow. "Don't be insane, you aren't walking home," he decides for her, reaching into his coat pocket for his keys. "I'm driving you." 

"I don't think you understand," she tells him, walking past his parking spot towards the main road. "I'd rather freeze than get in a car with you." 

"Rey, stop it." He reaches out, grabbing her elbow. "Get in the damn car."

She pulls it back. " _No_." 

"Seriously? You are being absolutely insufferable right now. Just get in the car. We don't even have to _look_ at each other, but I'm not letting you freeze."

Rey pauses, thinking on his words. She wishes it was April instead of the dead of winter because he was right. She wouldn't last five minutes out here alone. With a sigh, she pushes past him begrudgingly, walking back to his car, crossing her arms as she sinks into the passenger seat.

They didn't speak one word on the way back, not even when they hit traffic. He grips the steering wheel hard and she plays with the worn holes in her jeans, twisting the fringe around her pointer finger until it turned blue.

Ben lets out a deep sigh when he pulls onto her street, pausing as he puts the car in park in front of her apartment building. She can feel his eyes on her, burning into her cheek. But she doesn't have the courage to look at him, and the anger melted away, only leaving hurt in its wake. 

He takes a large breath in and she knows he's going to speak. He swallows, running a hand through his hair. She noticed he does that when he's nervous. "Rey, I-"

Her hand goes to the door handle, not able to get out of the car fast enough. She ignores his calls after her, keeping her eyes trained on the building in front of her, finally letting out the breath she didn't even realize she was holding in until she swipes her keycard and enters the building. Rey wants him to chase her, but she knows he won't. It'll always be her chasing him.

She enters the apartment, ignoring Rose as she makes a beeline for her room. She goes to the bathroom, closing the door behind her, letting out another strained breath. Rey leans against the door and hits the back of her head on it, letting out a frustrated "fuck," ignoring Rose calling out to her in concern. 

She doesn't break down until she catches her reflection in the mirror. The tears are light at first, but the more she cries the harder she shakes until she can't control the way her shoulders tremor or the way she has to work for every inhale of breath. She wants to act like she doesn't know why she's crying. She wants to tell her it's because of PMS or her hefty school schedule, but she knew better than that. 

It was a broken heart. Ben Solo broke her heart. He did ruin her, she realized.

But for all the wrong reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you for chapter 4!


	4. Washington, D.C.

Avoiding Ben Solo was much harder than Rey thought it would be.

She never realized how much time she actually spent with him on a daily basis, because she now has to turn her schedule quite literally upside down, getting to class early to avoid sitting next to him. Taking the long way across campus so she doesn't even have to get anywhere near his assigned parking lot. Instead of going over to his house to study for her lit class and to tease him for ordering pineapple on his side of the pizza they share, she simply goes home and locks herself in her room. 

Every once in a while, she sees him. In their ethics class, or getting food with a friend on the quad during the breaks in his schedule. But he doesn't quite seem to notice her, and that only makes things worse. 

She now realizes how detrimental their conversation in the pizzeria was to their relationship. She made it sound like she didn't want him, and that couldn't be further from the truth. She should probably tell him, he deserves that much, but she knows she's much too hard-headed to admit her wrongs. And she has the feeling he's not one to swallow his pride, either. 

But what would he even have to apologize for? It's not his fault that she was the one to kiss him first that night he comforted her, starting it all. He wasn't the one who chased her through a hall on Halloween. He wasn't the one who approached her on New Years and wouldn't give up until she reacted. It was always her. She was always the one chasing after _him,_ it was never the other way around. This was all her doing. She told him she regrets what they did, but he's not exactly forcing her to do anything. She can't blame just him for what she also does. 

She rolls onto her stomach on her bed, burying her face in her pillow, letting out a muffled groan. She was quite possibly the stupidest girl on the planet. So, so stupid.

Her phone rings, signaling a text message. With a sharp inhale she lifts her head, pushing her hair out of her face before reaching to her nightstand, grabbing her phone and unlocking it. 

 **_Rose:_ ** _Chicken nuggets and mac & cheese for dinner?_

Rey can't help but smile at her phone, lifting herself off her bed with a groan. At least Rose could make her feel somewhat better, giving Rey the best comfort food known to man. 

She opens her door and walks through the narrow hall, zeroing in on the kitchen. Rose's eyes lift from the stove as she sees Rey enter, giving her a sort of smirk as she spoons out the mac and cheese from the pot into two bowls. "I knew food would lure you out of your lair."

"Ha ha," Rey laughs sarcastically as she grabs a bowl, yawning as she slides onto the barstool in front of Rose. Their apartment was so small they didn't even have room for a proper dinner table, but if she's being quite honest, she didn't exactly mind. Bar seating was retro. At least that's what she told herself.

"So," Rose starts, sliding a glass of wine across the counter to Rey before taking the seat next to her, stabbing her mac and cheese with her fork. "Want to talk about it?"

Rey almost chokes on her food. "Talk about what?"

"The reason you've been moping around for the past two weeks. And the reason Ben Solo watches you with sad puppy dog eyes every time you're in a mile radius of him." She pauses, raising an eyebrow at her friend. "Plus, he asks how you're doing every time I see him when I visit Finn at the house. Didn't realize the two of you were that close."

Rey blushes.  _Busted_. "Uh-," she stalls, taking a long sip of wine, killing time. Every time she saw Ben on campus when she was with Rose, she always made a point to keep her head down. And him asking about her? Maybe she was wrong, maybe he  _did_ care.

"Look," Rose interrupts, waving her hand in the air like she's trying to shoo any unwanted thoughts away. "I don't care if you're banging him. What I do care about is you not telling me."

Rey widens her eyes at her friend's words. "How did you know?"

"These apartment walls are paper thin, Rey," Rose deadpans. "Paper. Thin."

Rey can't help but smile, and soon enough they're both giggling with each other, and for the first time in days, the weight on her shoulders seems to finally be lighter. 

"Hey," Rose says, still laughing. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Because it sure sounds like it." 

She doesn't think her face can physically get any redder than it already is, and she knows Rose is only talking about the sex, but she  _does_ enjoy it. Not just sleeping with him, but simply just  _being_ with him. Talking and laughing with him. Even thinking about him makes her heart soar, only to flatline when she remembers their last conversation. "Yeah, but I think it's over now," Rey admits, looking down at her food. "We had a fight." 

Rose offers her a sympathetic smile. "Mind telling me about what?"

"Because I haven't broken up with Damon."

Her friend sucks in a breath, and when Rey glances up, her eyes are harsh. "You're sleeping with the freakin' President's  _son_ and you're still  _with_ that total dirtbag? When was the last time you saw him? Or even like, texted him?"

"It's not..." Rey reaches up, running her hands down her face. "It's not that simple, Rose. I don't feel bad about using Damon, or whatever I'm even still  _doing_. But okay, let's say I break up with him. I'm not going to do the same thing with Ben. I graduate one-hundred thousand dollars in debt, but hey, at least I'll be sleeping with the President's son, right?"

Rose looks at her intently, pursing her lips. "Rey... staying with someone just because they're rich and they  _might_ pay off a few college loans isn't reason enough," she says softly. "I know how much you loved him when the two of you first started dating, but he's moved on. Just yesterday, he was on a date with Veronica from our calculus class last year. Even if he wasn't a complete asshole, he's still a serial cheater. It's time to let that ship sail." 

As much as she hated to admit it, Rose was right. She's reminded of how grimy she felt when the told Ben the truth of the nature of her relationship with Damon, and ever since then, she couldn't shake the feeling. Damon was no longer the man who swept her off her feet and made her feel warm, that was someone else's job now. It was time she started to save herself. "I'm cheating with Ben," she reminds her friend, letting her shoulder slump forward. "Or, at least, I was. I'm not much better."

Rose watches her. "Then it's probably time you chose. Because it's not fair to you  _or_ Ben to put yourself through this."

It's times like these that make Rey wish she spent more time with her best friend these past few months. Because not only was she making perfect sense, but she also never judged her. She never ran off. Rose was everything Rey could ask for and more. 

"You're right. I need to break up with him," she finally says, putting her head in her hands. "Who would have thought I'd lose two boyfriends in one week?"

"I guess it's for the best," Rose says, backing off. "Since Ben's going back to DC in a few days. It'll be a clean break for all of you."

Rey's head snaps up at Rose's words, her heart already sinking in her stomach. "He's what?"

"He's going back to DC to work with his mom. He didn't tell you?" Rose's eyes widen at her friend's confusion, but pulls her phone out anyway, googling his name to pull up an article. Rey snatches it from her, scrolling through with shaky fingers. When did he decide this? Why didn't he tell her? Was this because of their fight?

"I have to go," Rey mumbles, giving the phone back to her friend, immediately going to grab her coat from the coat rack. She didn't have time to change out of her sweatpants and her ratty t-shirt; she had to talk to him now. "Can you ask Finn where Ben is?" She asks her friend, stepping into her winter boots that were still by the door, right where she left him. 

"No need," Rose tells her, watching her with fascinated confusion. She never saw Ray so desperately frazzled before, especially over a boy. "It's Thursday, and every Thursday they have intramural soccer practice until 7 at the soccer fields on campus. Ben's on the team, so he'll be there."

Rey glances at the clock - 6:41 pm.  _Shit_. "I have to go," she repeats, shoving her phone and house key in her pocket. She's glad campus is well within walking distance, because she doesn't think she has the patience to wait for an Uber. 

She tries her best to still her heart as she makes her way to the fields, walking through the mostly empty parking lot, trying to slow her mind. She got that they weren't talking, but why wouldn't he even tell her? And to leave at the beginning of a semester? Did she misread him, did he not care for her as much as she thought he did? Rey feels like sobbing and screaming, all at once. If Ben went back to DC, there was little reason for him to ever come back.

Why the hell did she even care? She wants to tell herself that it's all in her head; that what she feels for him is more lust than like. But the truth of the matter is that they've been at this since October, and it'll be February in a few days. Almost  _five months_. What she felt for him wasn't just lust anymore, it ran deeper than that. But she messed up and she chased him off. She swallows hard, trying desperately to get rid of the lump in her throat. This was no time for crying. 

Rey nears his car, shiny and without a scratch. She decides to wait for him here, not quite able to build up the courage to confront him on the middle of the soccer field, most likely surrounded by his friends. Plus, he can't exactly get away from her if she's blocking the driver's side door.

She hears a laugh carry across the parking lot, and her eyes cut to the field, watching as Ben and two guys she didn't recognize came into view from behind the bleachers. Ben must have said something funny because one of the guys slaps him on the shoulder and laughs again.

He’s in Coruscant colors, a maroon school zip-up hoodie paired with white soccer shorts and an athletic bag crossed over his torso, hanging at his hip. He actually looked like the real jock he once was, and if it were any other time she probably would have laughed because she thinks after all the time she’s known him, this is the first time she’s actually ever seen him in shorts.

He spots her by his car as he’s exiting the field, and she sees him frown before excusing himself from his friends, crossing the field towards her with heavy steps. Rey can see them from the corner of her eye stop and turn to look at what or who made Ben walk away from them, but she doesn’t care. At this point, let them stare.

“Hey,” he nods at her, still out of breath as he twists the cap off his water bottle and takes a time-killing sip. His hair is damp from sweat and matted to his forehead, and his cheeks are flushed from running. Rey casts her eyes down to her feet when their eye contact becomes too intense. “What are you doing here?”

She takes a breath, looking down at her shoes. “I heard you had intramural practice.”

“Ah,” he responds, his jaw set. He shifts his weight. “Well, here I am.”

She glances up at him then, and his expression has softened, but his eyes were still steel. Rey was sure her bleak emotions were written all over her face by this point. “You’re going back to DC?”

His face drops, and that’s enough confirmation for her. She glances away and crosses her arms, and she can see in her peripheral vision him reach up to scratch the back of his neck, letting out a curse so low, she barely even caught it.

“How did you find out?” He asks, taking a tiny step forward, his fingers itching to pull her into a hug. Or do _something_. Anything. She was clearly upset, he could tell, but he didn’t know how she would take that. Especially after their disaster date, where she couldn't get out of his car fast enough. Especially now.

“An article on a news website.” Her eyes cut to his. “The _news_ , Ben. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He throws a hand up in defense and in frustration. “You weren’t exactly talking to me, Rey. And I didn’t tell anyone yet. Someone must have eavesdropped on a conversation my mom had or read an email something. If I _was_ telling people already, you would probably be the first to know.” 

“So it’s true?” She asks, crossing her arms over her chest, hating the way her voice quivers just enough for him to notice. He moves in closer. “You’re leaving Boston?”

_“Ben!”_

They both glance over to his friends on the other side of the parking lot, laughing together, waving him over. They planned on going to get food after practice, but now that Rey was here...

“Give me a minute!” He shouts back, stepping closer to her, turning his attention back to their conversation. “I just think it would be best for me to go back home, maybe be a staffer for my mom or something.”

“But you hate politics, and Boston is one of the most historical cities in this country. I thought that’s why you wanted to be a historian?” She reminds him, moving closer, hoping her voice doesn’t carry across this parking lot. She hasn't been this close to him in days, and even in the climate of their conversation, it was still absolutely intoxicating. “Why go to DC for something you should do _here?_ Especially in the middle of a semester? What about school? Graduation?”

"Georgetown offered to let me transfer mid-semester." He shrugs. “And I mean, if I'm being honest, there’s nothing really holding me here."

 _Ouch_. Okay, then. “Oh.”

She takes a step back as tears start to form - why the hell is she _crying?_ \- and she tries to wipe them away before he sees them, but of _course_ , he sees.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he says, his voice significantly softer as he steps to her then, reaching a pinky up to wipe at her cheek, his other hand going to her shoulder. She tries to turn away but he doesn’t let her, holding her in front of him as she forces herself to swallow a sob. “Stop. Don’t cry, Rey. I didn’t... shit, I didn’t mean it like _that_. I-”

“ _Solo!_ Let’s _go!_ We’re hungry, man!”

He throws his head back in frustration before turning to face his friends, pulling Rey closer. “Just... go without me!” He calls back to them, ignoring the way they shout teases back at him. He'll make it up to them another time. He couldn't leave Rey like this. 

“Come on,” he says to her, his voice quiet as he reaches up to cup her cheeks, and at this point, he doesn’t give a fuck _what_ his friends see or think. “Let me take you home.”

She’s afraid if she opens her mouth again she’ll embarrass herself more than she already has by showing up at his practice and freaking _crying_ at him, and so she just nods, allowing him to walk her around to the passenger side and open the door for her.

They ride in silence, and she’s grateful he remembers the way to her apartment so she doesn’t have to talk. He takes her keys when he parks, leading them up the stairs to her front door. They enter, neither paying much attention to Rose’s questioning gaze from her spot on the sofa as they push through the living room to Rey’s room. She closes the door behind her, finally turning to him.

“You’re leaving because you think you don’t have anything here?” She asks, crossing his arms once she removes her coat. “Do I not count?”

He goes to sit on the end of her bed, running a tired hand over his face. “That’s not-” he starts, letting out a groan. “That’s not what I meant. But I can’t exactly bank on us. It’s just... Rey, you have a boyfriend, and-“

“I'll break up with him.”

He glances up at her as she nears him, jaw set. “What?”

“I'll break up with him,” she repeats, stepping closer, putting herself within his reach. “I'm _going_ to break up with him. Everything you said was right. Everything that Rose said was right. Time to let the fantasy go, I guess.”

He nods at her words, a hand sticking out to wrap a hand around her knee hesitantly, another going to her hip. She jumps but stands her ground, and he takes that as a good sign. “I don't want you breaking up with someone just because _I_ want you to,” he tells her. "I don't want you to do anything just for me."

Rey looks down at him, trying her best to resist the urge to run her fingers through his hair. God, she misses touching him. "It wouldn't be  _just_ for you. I don't want to be with him anymore; I've known that for a while. I'd hoped, at least to you, that much would be obvious. And Rose said something today that made me realize I'm worth more than how he treats me." She pauses, and with a slight smile she adds, "You'd just be an added bonus." 

He lets out a distant chuckle, his thumb starting to draw circles on her hip just above the waistband of her sweatpants. “You're worth _much_ more, for the record.”

She can't help but blush at his words, fighting a smile that's threatening to surface. "So," she starts, finally reaching out to rest her hands on his shoulders, warmth spreading through her chest when he finally looks up at her. "Where does that leave us?"

It doesn't take him much time to think before he's pulling on her knee, guiding her to straddle him. With a deep sigh, she lowers herself onto his lap with his guidance, letting her knees press into her mattress, and just like before, she fits around him perfectly. Rey hasn't been this close to Ben in days, and now she's so close she can feel his breath on her face, the hairs on the back of her neck standing straight. His touch was electrifying, and his proximity was making her lightheaded. His face was so close to hers that if she just leaned forward a bit more...

"Where do _you_ want it to leave us?" His voice was soft but his eyes were steel, serious and unreadable. She tries her best to not focus on the way his arms circle around her, palms pressing into the small of her back. 

Rey doesn't miss the way his eyes glance down at her lips when she lets out another sigh, and  _god_ , she can't take it anymore. She grabs the zipper of his hoodie and pulls him towards her, closing the space between them completely, capturing his bottom lip in an easy kiss.

Fuck, she missed this. She missed  _him_. Rey hums against him contently, the kiss tasting like mint, the stubble on his chin causing friction against her that she savors. She feels his chest deflate against her, letting out a shaky exhale as a hand goes to her cheek, feeling her smile against him as she drags her teeth along his lip.

"I'm sorry," she says to him when she pulls away, wrapping an arm around his neck, the other hand staying firm on the zipper of his hoodie. "For the other day. I didn't realize how rude I sounded." 

Ben shrugs at her words, and he either doesn't seem to care or doesn't seem to mind that she works the zipper down, pushing it from his shoulders. "Water under the bridge," he tells her easily, watching her with a bit of amusement as she goes to his t-shirt next, pulling up on the hem. He lifts his arms and allows her to remove it, discarding it on the bed next to them, joining the hoodie. 

She lets her fingers dig into the muscle on his shoulders as his hand runs up her thigh, and she lets out a sigh as he pulls her closer to him, tilting his hips up just slightly to meet her own. Ben's hand goes to the edge of her t-shirt but she beats him to it, pulling it up and over her head, nothing but bare skin meeting the chill air of her apartment. His lips go to her throat and her pulse spikes, her face growing hot. It's only been days but it felt like years since the last time he had his lips on her. Now, she wanted nothing more than him. 

He lets her push on his shoulder, and as soon as his back hits the bed he rolls them and moves her upward, throwing a decorative pillow out of his way before laying her down. Naturally, he settles between her thighs, already hard as he leans in to kiss her once more. 

Rey doesn't hide her whimper that slips through her teeth as a hand goes to her chest, his thumb brushing over her nipple casually. Softly, he repeats, his touch almost ghost-like. She squirms under him, beginning to grow restless. He's usually rough with her, and she needs  _more_.

"Ben," she pants when they finally part, his hand going to the waistband of her sweatpants, fingers dipping into the band of her panties. She untangles herself from him just long enough for Ben to remove the rest of her clothing, dropping her pants and underwear carelessly next to the bed. He settles back into her, and now that's she's naked she can feel the fabric of his shorts brush against her center. She lets out another whimper, fingers digging into his bicep. _"Ben."_

"Easy," he says with a light laugh, reaching down to grip a thigh, pulling it up to wrap around his waist. "Can't I just enjoy kissing you?"

 _No_. He's going too slow, it's driving her insane. Usually, he'd already be fucking her by now, a leg thrown over his shoulder, a hand clamped over her mouth to keep her somewhat quiet. But all he's doing is kissing her collarbone and teasing her nipple with that  _damn_ finger. 

"Come on," she breathes into the air above his head, letting her head fall back onto the pillows. Fuck, her arousal was already on the point of painful, and he wasn't doing anything to help her out but steadily fan the flames deep in her abdomen. "Just fuck me already." 

She feels him laugh against her shoulder, a smile spreading on his lips as he kisses the skin there. "I will," he assures her, his other hand slipping beneath her, grabbing a handful of her ass. He pushes her against his center, and she lets out a low moan. "Just let me kiss you." 

She reaches out a shaky hand, grabbing a fistful of wavy hair, pulling him back up to her. She's shaking as he gives her an open-mouthed kiss, the hand on her ass pressing her against him again. Rey lets out another moan but he swallows it, her whole body buzzing as she begins to roll her hips beneath him, hoping it would be enough to speed this process up. 

Ben lets out a chuckle, pulling just far enough away so he could speak. "I'm guessing you don't want to take it slow?"

She closes her eyes, bringing him back to her. "Slow isn't our speed, Solo."  

He seems to agree because she feels his hand reach down, pulling his soccer shorts down before kicking them off completely. Her skin is on fire as she watches the muscles in his chest and shoulder strain, reaching to the drawer of her bedside table, fishing for a condom. But his fingers find something else, raising an eyebrow at her as he lifts a pair of handcuffs out from the drawer. 

"Now, I feel like I would have remembered these if they were here the last time I was. How kinky." 

She feels her face redden, and if she wasn't so ready for him to fuck her, maybe she would have let him use them on her. The truth is, she bought them before their date, but since they had a falling out, she wasn't able to put them to use. Maybe next time. "Just grab a condom," she pushes, and he grins at her, putting the metal back, grabbing one before returning to her. 

Rey closes her eyes and digs her fingers into his back as she feels the pressure of him in her, throwing her head back into the pillows as he enters her. She lets out a shaky whimper, tilting her head to kiss his temple. 

"Shit," he breathes into her shoulder, gripping her thigh around his waist as he starts to thrust. "I've missed this. I've missed this so much."

She wants to voice her agreement but his lips are already on hers, his tongue down her throat in a dirty kiss. She whimpers into him as his hips begin to speed up, trying to meet his thrusts with her own. They reach a rhythm quickly, and soon her room is filled with low pants and skin slapping skin. She briefly wonders if Rose can hear them, but his teeth nip the skin on her throat and her train of thought flatlines.

"Oh, _fuck_ ," she whines, squeezing her eyes shut. Rey slaps her hands over her face, trying to calm the dizziness behind her eyes, trying to stop her heart from beating out of her chest. 

Rey feels his hand slip under hers, prying it away from her face, pressing their hands into the bedding. His fingers force their way between hers, lacing their fingers together beside her head. She opens her eyes to look at him, but his eyes are fixated on their hands. Tentatively, his thumb brushes her knuckle and he stares, fascinated by the intimacy.

She leans her head forward, nudging his nose with hers, bringing his attention back to her. His dark eyes latch onto hers, and she feels its  _everywhere_ , a greedy moan leaving her lips as his hips press into hers once more. Her free hand goes to his neck, pulling him down to her, capturing his lips in a deep kiss. Rey hikes her leg further up his waist, giving him a better angle, her hips tilting greedily in time with his. The tension in her core begins to pull taut, tightening around him, moving in time with him until that tension engulfs her completely. 

"Come on, Rey," he breathes against her lips, his hips growing erratic. He's gentler with her now than he usually was before, but the desperation and need still linger in the way he grips her, in the way he groans into her mouth. "That's it." 

Rey grasps at his back, gripping him with shaky fingers as he releases her lips, buries his face in her neck and fucks her. She presses him down onto her, coveting the feeling of his weight on her. He turns his head and bites down on her shoulder and the tension in her abdomen finally snaps, giving her no choice but to let the desperate moans slip through her swollen lips. 

With a grunt, he follows her, thrusting into her haphazardly as he finishes. He allows himself to fall onto her, pressing his forehead into her shoulder as they catch their breath. Her hands go to his hair, running through the sweaty strands with her fingers. 

"Oh my God," is all she can say, closing her eyes as the aftershocks of her orgasm continue to course through her. Eventually, he removes himself from her, rolling onto his back. 

He lets out a deep breath, reaching up to push his hair from his forehead, his cheeks flushed as he stares up at the ceiling. "Let's not fight again," he teases her, nudging her shoulder with his. "I can't go days without doing that anymore." 

She lets out an airy giggle, shifting onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow to glance down at him. "Agreed. No more fighting." She reaches out to brush her hand against his chest, and he grabs it from its path, bringing her palm to his lips, pressing a kiss into her hand. Rey blushes.

"Can I tell you something?" He asks, his lips going to her wrist. She closes her eyes as his teeth run along her skin, and how the hell was he turning her on again by kissing her  _wrist_ _?_  

She feels herself nod. "Anything." 

Rey assumes he's waiting on her to continue so she opens her eyes, prompting him to begin. She watches him take a deep breath, closing his eyes when he swallows. When they open, his eyes are brave, his gaze going back to hers.

"I think I'm falling in love with you." 

Instantly, she freezes. He... wait, what?

She pulls away from him before she even realizes her actions, sitting up in her bed, crossing her arms against her bare chest. "Oh," she finally finds words, her mind running a mile a minute. He  _what?_

"You don't have to say anything back," he tells her, reaching out for her again. She moves out of his grip completely, scooting off her bed, standing on shaky legs. He frowns. "Rey."

"I, um-" she starts, reaching up to run a frenzied hand through her hair, feeling overwhelmed by his words. No one has ever said them to her, not even Damon, not any of her foster parents. How the hell was she supposed to respond to that? Hearing them now makes her feel nothing but cornered. Frantically, she reaches for a pair of jeans slung over her desk chair, stepping into a pair of panties before buttoning the jeans over her hips. "I have to go," she tells him, shoving a sweatshirt over her head. 

"Rey," he laughs incredulously, sitting up in her bed, reaching down to grab his shorts before slipping them on, watching her like she lost her damn mind. "This is  _your_ room, where are you going?"

"I just-" she trips over herself as she tries to step into her boots, and he has just enough time to get up and catch her before she faceplants on her floor. He begins to laugh, but when she glances up at him her eyes are glassy, and she tries to shy away as he moves closer.

"Hey," he breathes softly, wrapping a hand around her arm, leaning in to kiss her temple. "Rey, don't leave." 

It's when he presses his lips to the corner of her eye that a sob squeaks through her lips, and she hiccups, taking a step away from him and his warm grip. "I'm sorry," she breaks away from him completely, stepping towards the door. "I have to go."

Rey hears him call after her, but she doesn't dare look back as she exits the room, desperate to get out.

Call it untrustworthiness, based on her romantic and familial past. Or that she was scared, never having someone who loved her unconditionally. All she knew now was that she can't deal with this. At least, not right now. She reaches for the front door, closing it behind her, leaning against it as she breathes. Fuck. What was she doing? The man of her dreams is professing his love, and she runs? Closing her eyes, she tilts her head back, taking a minute to ground herself.

Where do they go from here?


	5. Spring Showers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof sorry for being gone so long. School has been killer. But this story WILL be finished! That I can promise.
> 
> To new readers now, and readers that have waited patiently for this update, I hope you all enjoy! :)

Dreadfully, Rey glances up at the Greek letters of Ben’s fraternity glaring down at her. God only knows what kind of secrets this house has heard over the years, but she has a feeling it hates her. Probably as much as its President does. 

With a sigh, she repositions the soccer duffle bag he left at her apartment two weeks ago on her shoulder. She hasn’t seen Ben since she walked out on him, and she was too scared to reach out to him afterward. She had no idea how he felt about her now. He was vulnerable with her, and she shot him down the worst way possible. She finally worked up enough courage to face him and return his bag to him. Or she _thought_  she did, at least. Now that she’s actually standing in front of his house, Rey feels herself begin to chicken out. _This was a stupid idea._ He wouldn’t want to see her, anyway.

With a sigh, she takes a step back from the path to the front door and begins to turn away, but something deep inside her roots her to this spot. _No._  It’s now or never. School is ending in a few weeks; if she doesn’t do this now, there’s a good chance he’ll never want to see her again. 

Steeling her nerves, she runs nervous hands through her hair. Fuck, _why_ did she curl it? He’s seen her naked and crying, for God’s sake. But for some reason, she felt the need to apply mascara and wear a nice sweater. Rey thought it was a good idea at the time; now, she just feels ridiculous. Would he even notice? 

Once she reaches the front door, Rey rings the doorbell before psyching herself out again. She needs to do this.

After a minute, a tall, overly muscular guy opens the door, black sunglasses covering his eyes, his hair disheveled. She watches his eyebrows shoot up, and with a low whistle, he lifts the glasses to the top of his head, his bloodshot eyes looking up and down her body. She can tell he’s royally hungover, and she bites the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from making a face at him. “Can I help you?” He asks, the corner of his mouth ticking up in a sleazy smirk. She inwardly cringes. Ben was the only frat boy on the planet who knew how to not be a complete creep, apparently.

"I'm looking for Ben," she starts, arching an eyebrow at him, messing with the gym bag on her shoulder for emphasis. “Is he home?”

The guy steals one more look at her before returning his sunglasses back to his face, taking a step back, opening the door wide enough to let her in. “In his room,” he mutters before walking off, probably back to wherever he came from. It’s clear the guy doesn’t care about helping her. She wonders how many other girls came to this house in search of Ben before her. 

Holding her breath, she makes her way up the staircase, trying to avoid the glances of the guys sitting in front of a video game in the living room. She recognizes one of them from the soccer fields; the others, she probably met in passing. Briefly, she wonders if they remember her, or if she’s just another girl passing through.

Rey reaches the door she knows all too well, and with another breath, she reaches up to knock twice. She waits - no answer. Quietly, she turns the knob, cracking it open just enough to poke her head through. 

Inside, she spots Ben laying face-down on his bed, his head at the foot of it, his feet hanging off the side. He’s shirtless, the only thing on his body a low-cut pair of soccer shorts. Cleats are next to him on the floor, accompanied by a t-shirt, and she figures he just came from intramural practice. He appears to be asleep, earbuds in his ear. 

God, he’s so attractive, even when he’s asleep like he just walked in and passed out on his bed. His back rises and falls with every even breath, skin pulled tight over taut muscles. Briefly, she considers leaving the bag on his desk, closing the door behind her and leaving. But she came here for a reason, a speech prepared and everything, and his sleeping body wasn’t about to deter that plan. A bit hesitantly, she steps inside his room, gently closing the door behind her. She lets the bag slip from her shoulder, discarding it by the door before making her way towards him. 

Holding her breath, she removes an earbud, unable to fight a slight smile. “Ben,” she whispers.

He only grunts in response, and she has to bite back a giggle. He was always such a deep sleeper. “Ben, you have company.” 

It’s like he suddenly jolts awake, lifting his head, one eye barely peeking open at her. It takes him a while to register that it’s actually her in his sleepy state, and slowly, he pushes himself up to a seating position, glancing at the door passively before removing the other earbud, tossing them and his phone somewhere behind him. “Hey,” he exhales, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “I, uh- I’ve been meaning to talk to-”

Not letting him finish, Rey reaches for the edge of her sweater, pulling it up and over her head before she can talk herself out of it. Beneath it was a simple, lacy blue bra. But more importantly, it wasn’t anything Damon bought for her. She needed to start over with Ben in all possible ways, including making new memories with new underwear.

“Meaning to what?” She prompts him.

“Uh,” he falters, and she watches his eyes follow her hands as her fingers go to the button on her jeans. 

“I’m sorry,” she starts, tilting her hips backward, shimmying her hips to edge them down her thighs before stepping out of them completely, kicking them over to join her sweater. “For running out on you.” 

Rey watches him swallow, and he absentmindedly nods at her words, briefly glancing at her face before trailing lower once more, as if he’s conflicted on where to look. His eyes grow darker, and his breathing becomes deeper, but he can’t bring himself to look away from her. Like if she does, she’ll pull a cruel joke and disappear. 

“And I’m sorry for what I said,” she continues, reaching behind her to grasp the clasp on her bra. The straps coast down her biceps, and she allows it to join her clothes on the floor. A surge of pride seeps through her bloodstream when she takes in his expression, his stare searing her body, branding her. “Both in the diner and the last time we saw each other.”

His eyes go to hers then. She takes a step forward, and his fingers desperately itch to reach out to touch her. He’s looked at her all sorts of ways before, but never quite like this. Glowing and hopeful. It makes her feel powerful, giving her the confidence to continue on. 

“I have to tell you something, Ben,” she murmurs, stepping in between his legs. Charmed, he watches her fingers hook into the waistband of her thong, and she swears, his eyes are downright  _hungry_  as she shimmies out of the lace, leaving her bare for him. He must have been holding his breath, because he lets out a shuddering exhale, warm air spreading over her naked torso, raising goosebumps on her skin. She bites down on her bottom lip to keep herself from smirking.

She’s never seen him like this. Rey’s seen him focused, during tests or when he’s playing soccer, or teasing, when she’s under him, begging him for release. But now, he’s fascinated, his eyes never staying long on her face or chest or thighs, before making their way back up again. This time, she’s in charge, and he’s the one left hoping. 

He swallows thickly when she slides a knee onto the comforter beside his hips, swinging her other leg around before easing herself lower. His hips raise instinctively, and his fidgety hands reach out to grab her; one going to her knee to anchor her in place, the other wrapping around her waist. Rey feels him shudder beneath him as she lifts a hand to his chest, pressing her fingertips lightly into the muscle there, drawing random shapes. _Fuck,_  she missed this chest, strong and warm. She missed _him_. The other hand circles around his shoulder, gripping the muscle there.

Ben pulls her closer when she puts her full weight on him, and she can tell he’s already hard beneath her. He closes his eyes briefly, and when he opens them, his pupils are blown wide, his eyes filled with want. “What do you have to tell me?” He finally speaks, his voice husky. She smiles at him. 

“I wasn’t being honest with you earlier,” she whispers, closing her eyes when he nudges his nose against hers, tightening his grip on her waist. But she pulls back just before he can kiss her, and she opens her eyes to see him smiling at her, a chuckle forming in his throat at her teasing. She tightens her grip on his shoulder when he tries to lean in once more, trying to reassert herself as the one in charge here. She wanted not only to get everything off her chest but also to  _own_ him. 

A groan slips through his lips when her mouth goes to the skin just beneath his jaw, pressing a soft kiss there. “So, be honest now,” he tilts his head down towards hers, talking in her ear. His deep voice shoots straight to her core and she _quakes_ , but she can’t give in now. Not now. Get through this, and then she can fuck him to her heart’s desire. 

“That first time,” she breathes against his skin, kissing the artery in his neck. The muscles in his chest contract as he lets out a breath, a hand traveling up to her hair. “The first time we did this. Do you even remember?” 

The hand on her hip slips to grip her ass, and she can’t help but tilt her hips down, arching into him. “Of course I do,” he answers, lifting his hips in time to the slow rock of her hips. “Could never forget that night.” 

She smiles into his skin. “You took such good care of me,” she whispers, moving to kiss his cheek. His skin is so hot against her. She feels herself burning against him, excitement in her core building. “Emotionally and physically. I couldn’t get you out of my head ever since.” 

Rey only feels Ben nod against her, and she can tell he’s growing tired of the small talk. He’s fully grinding into her now, but she’s grateful he’s letting her take charge, not taking it further until she allows it. Every once in a while, she’s caught off guard by just how courteous he actually is. 

“And when you told me you loved me,” she continues, kissing the corner of his mouth, gasping against him when her clit rubs against the bunched elastic of the waistband of his shorts, her pleasure spiking. She needs to fuck him. She’s positive her wetness is soaking his shorts, but if he minds, he doesn’t show it. “It was the happiest I’ve ever been.” 

”I do,” he murmurs against her. His fingers are growing impatient - the hand on her ass dips even lower, his fingers starting to rub against her core from behind. Her nails dig into his shoulder as she lets out a moan, already so turned on. Faintly, she feels him chuckle, his fingers never _actually_  entering her, never _actually_  giving her what she wants. “I do love you.” 

“I regret running out on you,” she leans in to ghost her lips across his. “Because that response wasn’t true.” 

Rey doesn’t know if it was the tone of her voice or that he’s met his wit’s end with her teasing, but he pulls back to look at her, his hand stilling against her completely. “What do you mean?” He asks, sucking in a deep breath. 

The hands on him wind their way around his shoulders, pulling him closer. “What I’m trying to say...” she starts, shivering in delight when his other arm pulls her tight against his chest. His eyes flit down to her lips, and hers begin to close, gathering her nerves. “Is that I’m in love with you, too.”

Whatever was restraining him from having his way with her snapped, because instantly his lips crash onto hers, the fingers on her core pushing into her with one stroke of his hand. Rey contently moans into his mouth, hands knotting in his hair, her skin buzzing with excitement as she thrusts down into his hand. But as pleasurable as this was, the voice in the back of her mind told her that she was here to control _him_ , not the other way around. 

“Wait,” she breathes against his lips, and instantly his hand against her stills. Her body protests, arching back against him, but she can’t help but smile, leaning in to give him another quick kiss. “Just... just kiss me.” 

He’s eager to oblige. His hands go to her thighs, and with the tilt of her hips, he falls back onto the bed, taking her down with him. He just kisses her, his tongue coaxing hers, and she shudders when he pulls her tighter against him. She was stupid. So, _so_  stupid. She spent _weeks_  wallowing in self-pity when she could have been doing _this_? She was insane to avoid him for this long. She had to be. That’s the only explanation for why she didn’t break down and tell him she loved him sooner.

Ben’s fingers dig into the flesh of her thighs as he kisses her, and a hand runs down from his neck to his hips, gripping at the waistband of his shorts. He chuckles against her lips. “I thought you wanted me to just  _kiss_ you?” He reminds her of his words, pulling back just enough to get his words out. But she can tell he’s painfully hard, and she’s giddy just thinking about it.

“I do,” she breathes against him, hooking her hand around the waistband, pushing him down his hips. “But right now, you need to fuck me, too.”

Ben helps her with his shorts, kicking them off once they reach his knees. He pulls on her thigh, she tilts her hips down, and with breathy moans and whispers in each other’s ears, she sinks onto him easily and instantly, she sees stars. He pulls her closer, swearing as he sinks further into her, giving her a hot kiss. 

Possessive fingers tangle in his hair. She practically purrs when he grips her ass, tilting her hips _just_ right to where her clit rubs against him deliciously. His pace quickens, and her lips fall from his, opting to rest her forehead at the base of his neck. It’s urgent, but not desperate like it is at parties, or rushed like when they were sneaking around. Rey no longer has priorities elsewhere; she can be as loud and go as agonizingly slow as she damn well pleases. She was done with hiding her relationship with Ben from the world. 

Instead of desperately hoping to get off, she’s already near her orgasm, wishing she could ride this blissful wave forever. He’s murmuring something in her ear as he thrusts up into her, something about how much he _loves her_ , but her heart is beating so hard, it’s all she can hear. She hopes he’s as close as she is. 

“Fuck,” he exhales into her shoulder, biting down on the skin there. Rey cries out, and all it takes is another tilt of her hips before she’s coming. Her whole body tenses, her skin feels too tight for her body, and all at once, the tension releases, and she lets out a moan that’s probably way too loud into his neck. It’s positively euphoric, the orgasm that follows. She’s shuddering in his arms, her hips shaky as she tries to ride it out. A hand grips the back of her neck, holding her down on him as his hips become desperate, and soon enough, he grips her harder as he follows.

Rey drags her lips back to his and swallows his groan, his whole body tensing beneath her. He finishes in her, and his hips jerk unsteadily a couple more times. Finally, he eases his iron grip on her body, and her muscles begin to go slack. She eventually rolls off of him, but he doesn’t let her go far, curling her into his chest as he rolls onto his side.

”I, um,” she breathes into his chest, suddenly feeling shy. “I actually just came here to talk.” 

He raises an eyebrow at her. “So you _didn’t_  come here to take your clothes off and seduce a sleeping man?”

Rey can’t help but roll her eyes, playfully swatting at his chest. “Okay, so that was planned. But I really do want to talk.” 

Ben removes one of his arms around her, reaching up to feel around for a pillow. He pulls it down, and they lift their heads, settling down on the down feathers. He moves a hand to her cheek, brushing it with his thumb. “Okay,” he says, his touch moving down to her collarbone. “So let’s talk.” 

With a deep breath, her gaze drops, wrapping an arm around his torso. “I never really... belonged anywhere. Before I came here, I never really had even a _family_. My parents, when they bothered to come around, were deadbeats and drunks. I didn’t have siblings. I was all alone.” 

He watches her silently, his hand dropping to her hip, rubbing encouraging circles into her skin, prompting her to continue. She was finally talking to him, letting him in, and he wasn’t about to mess this rare opportunity up.

”And then I came here, and I met Rose and he-who-must-not-be-named-,” that earns a chuckle from Ben. “And they started to become my family. But even then, it felt very... surface deep. Damon turned out to be shit, and obviously Rose is the sister I never had. But the connection I have with you... that’s something different. It cuts me so deep, I feel like I can’t breathe without you. But all I’m used to is everyone giving up or leaving me. And that’s why I panicked when I heard you were possibly going to DC because-”

”Because you thought I was leaving _you_.” 

Rey’s eyes finally find his, and the empathy in his gaze almost knocks the breath out of her. He _gets_ it. “Exactly,” she breathes. “And then when you told me you loved me the very same day... it was too much for me to deal with. I had to step away and clear my mind. But all that distance just made me realize that all I want is to be with you. I love you, and I want to be with you.”

Ben can’t help the smile that spreads over his face. “Be with me as a _girlfriend?”_ He can’t help but hint at, raising her eyebrows at her. 

Her smile matches his, and he pulls her closer. “Is that you asking?”

”Be my girlfriend,” he insists, leaning in to kiss her nose. “Please. I’ve wanted this for the past seven months.” 

She wants to tease him about wanting to be with her since they first hooked up, but she’d rather not ruin the moment. Instead, she leans into him, kissing him softly. “Yes,” she breathes against him, shivering when his hand trails up her arm. “Yes.” 

Rey doesn’t know how long they lay there, kissing each other. They’re content in not going further, and so they lay there and kiss, hands roaming, breaths being robbed from each other’s lungs. This is her heaven, in his arms, kissing him. She could die happy now. 

She can’t help but break away from him to yawn, and he lets out a chuckle, rubbing her back, pulling her closer. “Want to go to sleep?” He asks her, grabbing the blanket at the foot of his bed with his toes, pulling it up to grab it with his hand before covering both of them in its warmth. 

Rey smiles at him. “I could.”

Ben gives her a smile of his own, maneuvering onto his back, pulling her into his chest. “Let’s sleep,” he murmurs, kissing the top of her head as she settles in against his shoulder. His fingers trail up and down her back, and when his breathing begins to even, she realizes he’s fallen asleep. 

With a deep breath, Rey nuzzles closer to him, letting sleep overtake her. Now that everything is fixed, she never quite realized just how miserable she was without him. She needed him. She needs him now. And she has the feeling he’s not going anywhere.

This connection with him runs deeper than anything she’s had with someone ever before. She loves him. She’s _in_ love with him. She might not have had a family the past twenty-one years, but for the first time, she feels like she belongs. Here, with him, in his arms. Loved.

Maybe he’s all the family she needs.


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this story and taking the time to comment, message me, and leave kudos. You truly have no idea how much they all mean to me. With that said, there are two chapters left: the epilogue, and the much-alluded prologue *wink wink.*
> 
> I hope you enjoy the end to this story!

_ One year later_ _._

“Say cheeeeeese!”

Rey grins as the school-hired photographer takes a picture of her with Rose, Ben, and the Organa-Solos, trying her best to hold in her laugh at Ben pinching her ass under her graduation robe. When the flash goes off, she shoves him away from her, his eyes warm and mischievous. She has to bite down hard on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from grinning like a crazy person.

”You asshole,” she teases him, quiet enough so his parents can’t hear as he readjusts his grip on the items in his large hands, Leia and Han engulfed in an extremely enthusiastic conversation with Rose and Finn. 

Ben only grins at her, holding his hands up in defense. His left is filled with her graduation cap and her phone; his right, a bouquet of a dozen roses. He surprised her with them earlier before the ceremony, and like the gentleman he is, offered to hold all of her things the rest of the day. His navy dress shirt pulls tight across his chest at his movements, his coordinating tie caught in a quick gust of wind. “They have a mind of their own,” he tells her, handing over the flowers when she reaches out for them. “You’re too touchable.” 

She rolls her eyes at that, leaning in to smell the roses. He was _so_ lame. 

It’s been a bit more than a year since they made the active decision to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and she wishes she was kidding when she says that it’s been the best year of her life because that’s _way_ too mushy for her liking, but it truly was. Luckily for her, he accepted a job as a historian at Boston University once he graduated a year ago, and the selfish part in her celebrated that she got to keep him so close while she finished her undergrad. And although Rey still lived with Rose for her last year of college, she found herself staying at Ben’s new apartment more often than not. She learned that he was quite an excellent cook, and he helped her with her finite math class homework when he wasn’t out of town for work. He got a key made for her, and half of the clothes in his closet are hers.

When they made their first trip down to Washington, D.C. together, it would be an understatement to say she was scared shitless. But his parents welcomed her with open arms, and Han instantly took a liking to her. 

_“I’ve never seen my son so attentive for anyone,” Leia leans in to tell her with a smile after dinner, once Ben left the room to drop their plates off in the kitchen. “He clearly loves you, honey. More than you know.”_

This was her family now. Rose and Ben and his parents. They accepted her unapologetically, and that hole in her heart from being abandoned slowly but surely began to fill. Soon enough, she forgot it was even there. Plus, it’s also pretty cool to have the fucking _President_  of the United States at _your_ graduation for _you_. 

Ben made her a promise that he wouldn’t leave her, all those months ago in his tiny bed in his fraternity house bedroom, and every day since then, he makes sure that she feels wanted. Needed, even. Like he actually wants her around him - wants her company. Rarely did she think about how her life was before him; she was so content now, she was perfectly fine with focusing solely on their future together. 

To top it all off, Damon got arrested for wire fraud three days before their graduation ceremony. Ben was _so_ upset when he told her the breaking news from Channel 6 once she got home from a late class. He took her out for ice cream to celebrate his misfortune. 

“I got you something else,” he tells her, reaching for his back pocket.

Rey eyes him. She didn’t _need_ anything else. Just being his was enough for her.

He pulls out a card, the envelope somehow crisp and straight despite being in his pocket for God knows how long; this guy was magic. She can’t help the smile that ghosts over her lips, tucking her flowers into her elbow to open the envelope. He crosses his arms as he watches her rip through the paper, pulling the quirky card out of the envelope - wait, was he nervous? Over her opening a _card?_

Her eyes dart over the front, something that pokes fun at the graduate, opening it to reveal his impeccably neat handwriting on the left side. 

_I love you. Enjoy._

Her brows draw together. Enjoy what? But when her eyes drag to the _right_  side of her card, there, beneath her manicured hand, was a _check_. A clean, white check. Pins and needles pierce her skin everywhere.  Words don’t form in her throat; her mouth goes dry. Staring down at the crisp check, addressed to her, she reads the numbers over and over. A shitload of zeros. Three-hundred _thousand_ fucking dollars.

 _“Ben,”_ is  all she can say,  at a loss for virtually any other word, unable to stop reading those numbers. “Ben... I can’t accept this.”

He shrugs. “Sure you can,” he tells her, like handing over more than a quarter of a million dollar is the most casual thing in the fucking world. For him, maybe it was. Not for someone like her, though. “It’s your money.”

Her stomach sinks. No. She didn’t want her relationship with Ben to be like this. She didn’t exactly complain when he paid for their dinner when he took her on a date or that time when his family went on a ski trip in January to Switzerland and brought her along and paid for her ski lessons. But this? This was... over the top. In a bad way. It reeked of her past relationship, and she wanted that stench as far away from them as she could possibly get it.

“No, it’s _your_ money.  I’m not accepting this, Ben,” she tells him, finality in her voice as she shoves the thick paper into his chest. He only chuckles.

“Not a dime of that is mine.” She glances up to his face, raising an eyebrow. His eyes are glowing. Is he... proud? Proud of what? “Look at who it’s from.”

Hesitantly, she glances down. In her haste of reading his card and gauging the three-hundred-thousand _fucking_ dollars in her hand, she completely glossed over everything else. There, on the “from” line, is  _Vanity Fair_  typed out in sharp, dark ink.

Okay. _What_ the actual fuck.

He reads her mind. Of course, he knows exactly what she’s thinking. “Remember that story you wrote? When I went to South Africa for work and you wrote it about searching for meaning in life?” 

She glances up at him. Normally, she would bite back a snarky comment on how he _had_ to make it sound completely pretentious, but she’s too shell-shocked. She imagines her expression is nothing more than completely dumbfounded. “I remember,” she tells him. Between the facetime sex sessions that happened way more often than she’s willing to admit, she actually talked to him a lot about it. She emailed him her drafts for proofreading, and 434 pages later, she finished her first book. But... she didn’t submit it for publishing. Ben was the only one who had the chapters, even _knew_ about the chapters. Her eyes grow wide as she looks at him, putting two and two together.

Ben raises his hands in defense before she can even move on her to _next_ issue  to debate. “And  _no_ , I didn’t submit it under my name. I sent everything anonymously. All I did was give them your name and an address to send the checks.”

_Checks. Plural._

“How many... did you...” 

He gets at what she’s trying to ask, and his grin only grows. “That’s for the first ten chapters.” 

Rey’s mouth grows dry. Her knees buckle. Her book is forty-one chapters. 

Holy fuck, she swears she’s going to faint. Or push him down on the pavement and fuck him right here. Or wring his neck for submitting her book for publishing without her knowledge. She isn’t sure which one she wants to do quite yet. “You mean,” she begins, her head swimming with all the new revelations. She can’t help the smile that begins to tug at her lips. “This is all me?” 

He grins at her. “All of it.”

Rey doesn’t even know she’s crying until Ben lets out a slight laugh, reaching up to wipe at the tears on her cheeks. “I can’t believe you,” she tells him, pulling him down for a hug. His arms circle around her, safe and warm, lifting her briefly off the ground just the way she likes him to. He turns to kiss her cheek once she puts her back down, and she’s grinning so hard she feels like her face is going to rip itself open. “You’re unreal. In the best way possible, Ben Solo.” 

“You better believe it, baby,” he winks at her. “Because you’re going to be a millionaire, all on your own.” 

She doesn’t know what the hell she’s supposed to do with any of this information. She already cried, and she feels as if crying again _might_ be overkill, so she does the only other thing she can think of, snaking a hand around his silky tie, pulling him in for a kiss.

Rey tries to keep it innocent, and she _swears_   her hands have a mind of their own when her fingers slip from his tie to his belt, discreetly pulling him closer. He lets out a breathless laugh, taking a step away from her. 

He gives her a light smile when she pouts at him, his hand going to her cheek as he kisses her on her forehead. She doesn’t miss the way his eyes darken with want. “Later,” he promises her. "Preferably when my mother isn't in the vicinity." 

She shivers as he pulls her hand into his, tugging her back to where her friends and his parents were. Leia hugs her, followed by Han and Rose, but she never ventures more than an arm’s length from Ben. She laughs at the lame dad joke Han tells the group, and Ben throws an easy arm around her shoulders, holding her close. She closes her eyes briefly and breathes in his cologne when she leans into him, anticipation already running through her veins, fingers buzzing as an arm wraps around the back of his waist. 

She can’t wait to thank him properly.

* * *

“If you think about it, Abraham Lincoln _was_ kind of a DILF.”

She can’t help but giggle when Ben coughs out a shocked laugh, the melody she can’t get enough of echoing through the tall hallways of the White House. “I’m sorry,  _what_ _?”_ He asks, his signature airy smile playing on his lips. “JFK, I’d understand. But Lincoln? He’s been dead for centuries, you absolute weirdo.”

“Don’t get me wrong, JFK was one, too,” she says casually, shrugging her shoulders while he shakes his head at her. The hand that was on her back begins to rub the chiffon covering her back in tiny, slow circles, and she fights the shiver that wants to run its way through her body. “But Lincoln is so underrated. He isn’t stereotypically hot now by today’s standards, but he probably was the hottest person during that time. Plus, he was _so_  tall, just like you,” she tells him, sliding her eyes from the portrait of the 16th President of the United States to her boyfriend beside her. 

He arches a playful eyebrow at her. “Please don’t tell me you’re attracted to me just because I’m as tall as a dead guy.” 

Rey can’t help but laugh, and it’s her turn to shake her head at him. She doesn’t have to answer him; he knows she’s teasing him. It was one of her favorite past times. 

She reaches behind her to grab his hand with hers, grabbing ahold of his pinky before moving on to a painting of Andrew Johnson. He lets his hand skim down her arm before catching her hand with his, intertwining their fingers as he follows behind her. 

Rey is thankful he’s patient with her, letting her explore what she could of the most historic house in all of the US, taking it all in on her own time. He showed her the rose garden and laughed at her floored reaction he got after he thought to tease her, telling her they absolutely _couldn’t_ touch the roses after she accepted a plucked flower from him. She steals a glance at him now, blushing when she takes in his crooked bow tie. She thought she fixed it after they couldn’t help themselves in the green room, ripping it from around his neck in haste as he bent her over one of the million-dollar couches. She’s surprised they didn’t rip her dress, or at the very least wrinkle it when it was bunched up around her waist.

“You’re a mess,” she murmurs to him, reaching her hands up to straighten it. She feels him staring, his sturdy hands going to wrap around her waist. That familiar warmth spreads through her when he pulls her closer, but she has to suppress it, smoothing her hands over the shoulders of his tuxedo once she finishes. “All done,” she breathes.

“You look so stunning tonight,” he tells her, admiring her off-the-shoulder red gown before pulling her to his chest, putting his mouth to her ear. “If we weren’t hosting company, I’d take you to bed right now. Do all the things I dream of doing to you.” 

She shudders. She shouldn’t be entertaining this when his mom and the rest of her guests at whatever state dinner this is are probably waiting on them, and he literally just had his way with her, not even an hour ago. But she can’t help but play along, leaning is as he kisses the skin just beneath her jaw at her ear. That fire of desire was always there, burning low in her core. All Ben had to do was fan the flames with a look or a few sweet words, and she’s putty in his hands. “What would you want to do to me?” She finds herself asking.

“Something similar to Valentine’s Day....” he murmurs into her hair, and that’s all she needs before her knees start to buckle. Valentine’s Day was a blur, really, but she _does_ remember handcuffs and blindfolds and unrelenting touches and coming so hard she blacked out, over and over again. They didn’t even make it to their dinner reservation. Which is kind of a sad, because she was looking forward to the pasta. 

At this point, she has half the mind to grab him by the belt loops and drag him back to the wing of the White House that’s designated to him where they’ve been staying the past few days, invited to a state dinner with some other world leader with her as his plus one. Her eyes close when his lips near hers, and a finger goes to her chin, gently tilting her head up to give her the softest kiss. 

“Okay,” he says calmly like he just didn’t talk dirty in her ear, and her eyes fly open to see him grinning down at her. “Time for dinner.”

She feels dizzy when his hand finds hers again, leading her through the historic halls to the ballroom. “I hate you,” she tells him, glaring at the back of his _stupid_ perfect head. He was a damn tease.

“No,” he throws over his shoulder, and Rey can see he’s still smiling. “You really don’t.”

_No, she really doesn’t._  

Thankfully, she’s able to clear her mind before entering the ballroom behind Ben. There’s an impossibly long table in the center of the room, and everyone’s already seated and conversing amongst themselves, but a few do look up to catch them entering. Her eyes grow wide. She thought this shit only happened on _The Crown_. Now it makes sense why she and Ben had to be in black tie attire. Half the women here are wearing dresses more expensive than her whole life.

With a whisper of encouragement and a light squeeze of her hand, Ben ushers her forward, leading her to their seats next to his father with a hand on her back. He pulls out her chair for her, and Leia gives her a knowing wink before returning to her conversation with some senator. Or was it a judge? She was never really interested in politics, and luckily for her, Ben wasn't either. 

“Hey, kid,” Han says to her, motioning for her to lean in with his finger. Ben’s hand finds hers under the table as he turns to talk to the elderly man on his other side. “All you gotta do is smile and talk about the weather or lame shit like that,” he tells her, low enough for no one else to hear him, especially not Leia. “This crap freaked me out at first, too. You’ll get used to it.” 

Rey cracks up when he leans back, always appreciating his sense of humor. It reminded her of Rose.

Ben squeezes her hand, pulling her attention back to him. “You look so beautiful,” he tells her earnestly, and she can feel herself blush at her words. “You always look beautiful, but tonight... wow.” 

She gets through dinner fairly easily, and when dessert is being served to them, her hand goes to Ben’s thigh out of comfort. But when she trails it upward, her pinky knocks against something in his pocket. Curiously, she looks down at his lap when Ben abruptly sits up straighter in his seat. 

He sharply pulls his leg away from her, and he tries to play it off as she looks at him funny. “You really brought your phone to a state dinner?” she teases him with a roll of her eyes, and he breathes out a sigh of nerves and relief when she turns to converse with Han on her other side, forgetting about whatever was in his pocket completely.

Because it wasn’t his phone.

It was an engagement ring. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I do not thirst after Abraham Lincoln. I feel like this needs to be said.


	7. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I had to change the warnings for this chapter, because Rey is preeeetty drunk here in this prologue. And when you’re drunk, you can’t consent. So now, even though we now know how the story goes and finishes, I can’t in good conscious say this part now is entirely consensual. 
> 
> So, for the prologue, the last chapter of this story, there are triggers on this. They include dubious consent (technically on both ends because they are both drunk), and drunk sex. But this IS wanted by all involved parties, even when they're sober.
> 
> With that, enjoy!

“What are you doing out here all alone?”

He hears sniffling, and she throws her head over her shoulder to glance at him, wiping the tears at her cheeks. _Holy shit_. It was her. Rey. After the class that he was a teacher's assistant for, he thought he’d never see her again. But here she is, on the front steps of his fraternity house, crying her eyes out.

”Hey,” his voice softens, stepping closer to her. He doesn’t know why; they weren’t friends. To be honest, he invited a girl here, but instead of finding that blonde from his history class, he finds himself wanting to rather be here, getting to the bottom of whatever made this gorgeous girl cry. “What’s wrong?”

”It’s nothing,” she murmurs, wiping at her cheeks again as more tears fall. She drops her phone in her lap, and his eyes trail down to her tan, never-ending legs. She’s wearing a short skirt in early October, and if he’s being honest, he doesn’t exactly mind. _Fuck_. He forgot how hot she was. 

“Well,” he says, sitting down on the steps next to her, rolling up the sleeves of his bomber jacket. She takes a peek at his strong forearms, and he doesn't miss her blush when he catches her. “A girl as pretty as you shouldn’t be crying over _nothing.”_

He watches her roll her bloodshot eyes, but he sees the slightest of smiles appear on her blushing cheeks. “Come on,” he tells her, nudging her shoulder with his. “I graded your papers all last year. The _least_ you can do is let me help you.” 

Rey shakes her head, running her hands through her hair with a tremored breath before reaching for her phone, unlocking it with shaky fingers. She pulls up something in her texts before handing him her phone. His hand brushes hers, and he tries his best to ignore the heat that spreads throughout his chest as he takes her phone. He always found her attractive, but now that he’s already a few drinks deep and fully buzzed, that line of inappropriateness is starting to blur. He shakes his head as if to get himself out of his thoughts, looking down at the picture displayed on her phone.

Ben draws his brows together. It’s a picture of a guy’s bare back, in someone’s bed, asleep. “What am I looking at?” He asks, passing her phone back to her. 

She reaches up to wipe a hand at her nose. “My boyfriend Damon. In someone else’s bed.” 

Ah. Damon. He knows him. Or he knows of him. He thinks he gave him weed a few times back when he was still on his rebel streak. A total piece of shit and the picture proves it. “And the girl just sent it to you?” He asks, resting his elbows on his knees. She nods her head, staring blankly out into the street. “Kind of a dick move if you ask me.” 

She only shrugs, and that makes him mad. He’s mad because who the fuck would ever cheat on _her?_  He only knows her through their one class, and they weren’t ever friends, but he _knew_ her. She’d be at his office hours every week for the whole hour, reaching out to touch him, batting her eyelashes. They flirted, but he had to make sure that professional line was never crossed. And when the class was over, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed that she suddenly had a boyfriend. And he’d be lying still if he said the selfish college boy wasn’t somewhat happy that that relationship is now crashing down. But tears are welling in her eyes again, and _fuck_  he has to find a way to make her stop crying.

“Hey,” he says, reaching up to brush away a new tear with his pinky. She shivers against the intimate touch, and he doesn’t miss the way her eyes glance down briefly to his lips before looking away from him completely. But she shivers again, and he quickly realizes it’s fucking _October_ and she doesn’t have a jacket. Immediately, he shrugs his off, draping it around her. Rey hides her smile - or what he thinks is a smile, at least - in her shoulder. “Remember our class way back when, when Professor Hemmings came to lecture one day with his pants on inside out?”

Rey begins to crack up at the memory, and his stomach flips like a little bitch. _There’s_ that smile. That beautiful fucking smile. “That man was so old, I’m sure he wasn’t even _alive_ at the end of the semester,” she sniffs. Every once in a while, he watches her wipe away a stray tear, but he has her _smiling_. Smiling is good.

Her phone suddenly dings, and then dings again and again and _again_ , and Ben watches her face drop, tears welling in her eyes once more. He didn’t have to be a genius to know who was on the other end. He’s always been impulsive, and maybe even a bit unpredictable, so he doesn’t actually blame her when her eyes go wide, her mouth gaping open when he takes her phone from her, tossing it carelessly across the front yard. It lands somewhere gently in the grass.

 _“Ben!”_ She shouts at him, reaching up to shove at his shoulder. But there’s a new twinkle in her eye, and her _finally_ saying his name does something to him. He can’t help but smile at her.

”Look,” he reasons with her, lowering his chin to get a better look at her. “Fuck that guy. I challenge you to spend the night without your phone. No negativity. No bullshit. Just you and alcohol and two hundred of your closest friends for the rest of the night. Whatever shit happened... deal with it tomorrow. Tonight, you’re mine.”

He didn’t mean it _that_ way. Well, his subconscious most likely did. But he was rarely that straightforward, especially if that girl has a boyfriend. Her cheeks flush, and she has to look away from him. She throws her head back with a light groan, and he doesn’t miss the stretch of her slim neck as Rey lulls her head to the side, giving him a playful smile. “If you broke my phone,” she teases him, reaching out to poke him in the side. He can’t ignore the electricity that bolts through him. _Shit_. “You’re paying for a new one.”

”Promise.” He sticks his pinky out, wagging it in her face. _Fuck_ , he’s drunk. She rolls her eyes again and grabs his pinky with hers, interlocking them together. Ben doesn’t miss the blush spreading on her cheeks, and he hopes to God he’s not giving himself away. 

“Okay,” he says, clapping his hands together before pushing up from the steps they’re sitting on, holding his hand out to help her up. Except she doesn’t let it go once she’s on sturdy feet, and, well... he’s not going to complain. “Let’s get you a drink.” 

* * *

His jacket that was thrown over her shoulders is long gone, and he doesn’t know where the _hell_ it is. All he knows is that he’s so drunk he lost count of how many shots they’ve taken over the past few hours, and he has the hottest girl in existence giggling into his neck. Her lips brush against his skin as she smiles, and he _knows_ she doesn’t do it on purpose, but the action makes something shoot straight to his lower half. Holy fuck. 

“You are so drunk,” he tells her when she pulls away from him, reaching out to touch her nose with his pointer finger. 

 _“You_  are so drunk,” she counters. But as if on cue, she stumbles over her own two feet, and he has to wrap his hand around her thin bicep before the tile under their shoes gives her a facial. He only raises his eyebrows at her, and before he knows it, they fall into another joint giggle fit. She reaches up to snake an arm around his neck, and mental sirens _should_  be going off, but his head is flooding with past memories of her in his student office, twirling her hair around her finger as she leaned closer, laughing at all his stupid jokes as he helped her through her assignments. It's all too easy to blame the alcohol when his arm circles around her waist, hugging her to him. He’s no longer her TA; he doesn’t have strict university rules to follow anymore.

And, okay, it’s all innocent. Sort of. Technically.

But that innocence no longer exists when that arm around his neck falls down his back until he feels her hand slip into his back pocket. His brain short-circuits, and _fuck,_ he hopes she’s too drunk to notice his forming erection. 

He has to stop this, as much as he doesn’t want to.

He _will_  stop this.

Except, apparently, he doesn’t, because she’s currently pushing him down on his bed that he somehow got her to let him lead her to, and he’s looking up at her like he just found God. 

“I don’t-,” his brain completely stalls when her hands go to the hem of his T-shirt, making quick work to get it off. He’s surprised she’s still on her feet, as drunk as she is. “I don’t want you doing anything you’ll regret.” 

She removes her blouse and gives him a look that goes straight to his dick, and his thoughts can’t catch up to her actions when she gives him a push on his shoulder, and his back hits his comforter before she’s crawling on top of him. “What, no mention of _Damon_? No putting your foot down?” She teases, settling on his lap, straddling him.

With a deep breath, his fingers go to her thighs, and her breath catches. “No,” he answers her honestly, letting his head rest against his pillow, squeezing his eyes shut. Fuck, he needs to get control of this situation before she ruins him. “Truthfully, I don’t care.” 

Rey lets out a deep breath. “Neither do I.” 

And then she leans down to kiss him and _holy shit_  he should have broken the university's rules ages ago because he’s never been more strung out like this by a girl in his life. A selfish hand finds its way into her hair and pulls, and he wants to bottle up the whimper that he pulls from her lips to listen to whenever he wanted because it's music to his ears. Her fingertips travel to his cheek, her body radiating warmth as she deepens their kiss. He's tugging on his hair and she's moaning into his mouth and her hands go to his belt to undo it and-

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait," he breathes against her mouth, the hand in her hair slipping to her collarbone, gently pushing her away just far enough to stop kissing. This is going too fast; he's grasping at straws trying to slow it down. Her eyes sear him as she looks down at him. "I don't want to make you feel like you have to do anything."

She raises an eyebrow, sitting up on his lap, and  _fuck_ he really wishes she didn't because that gives him a perfect view of her body as he looks up at her. "I'm the one on top of you." 

"Still," he huffs out, and why the hell is he  _whispering_ _?_ He can hear the music outside blaring, but the laughter and conversations are muffled by his closed door. Almost as if this is a moment he doesn't want to be disturbed. His fingers twitch on her thigh, begging to pull her close again. "I don't... I don't know. I don't want you feeling like you have to-," 

"Ben," she suddenly says, effectively cutting him off when she reaches behind herself, undoing the clasp on her bra. She lets it fall from her arms before tossing it to the foot of the bed, and he completely loses his train of thought,  _what was he talking about again?_  She takes his free hand, the one not squeezing into the flesh at her thigh, and brings it to her chest. She guides his fingers to close around her breast, and _holy shit_ she's going to kill him. "Just fuck me already."

Clearly, he didn't have enough self-control to begin with, because all it takes is a few words before he's reaching up to grab her again, rolling her over to inch her skirt off her waist. She lets out a satisfied moan into his mouth as he kisses her, hooking a finger under her underwear before pulling the lace down her thighs. Ben runs a greedy hand up her body from the knee around his waist to her chest, the pressure beneath his fingertips making her whine. Some sick part of him was enjoying getting someone else's girlfriend off, but that was something he could deal with later. They've already kissed. Might as well go all out.

This time when her hands dive for his belt, he doesn't protest. She pulls it from his jeans with a sharp  _snap_ , and she briefly holds it in front of her face, wiggling her eyebrows at him before tossing it off the bed. "Maybe we can use this on me one day," she murmurs. Instantly, his head is filled with images of her bound and begging for him, and he can't help but let out a curse that makes her grin. Rey goes for his jeans then, pulling both the denim and his boxers down his thighs. 

Wordlessly, he holds her close as he extends an arm upward, opening his nightstand to fish out a condom before tearing it open and putting it on with frantic hands. But as soon as he's situated, Rey tightens her legs around his waist and rolls until he's on his back. He looks up at her with amazement and lets out a hiss when she grabs him at the base, bringing her core to him. Rey rocks her hips a few times before she finally sinks down on him with a moan, and he  _swears_ he sees the light. 

And when she starts  _moving_ , he's positive he actually has died and he actually  _does_ see the light. 

She digs her hands into his strong chest, throwing her head back, letting out another moan. Selfish hands go to her hips, his grip like iron padlocks on her bones and he guides her back and forth. His eyes are truly conflicted like he doesn't know where to look, traveling from her face to her chest to where they're joined, repeating the pattern over and over. Rey begins to grind down on him, and he lets his head fall back onto his pillows, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to ground himself. Why the actual  _fuck_ have they never done this before? 

"Ben," she whimpers, her hands on his chest sliding up to his shoulders, latching onto him.  _"Ben."_

He surges up then, sitting upright on his bed, an arm going around her slender waist. He kisses her probably a bit too hard as he thrusts up into her, but the greedy moan she lets into his mouth makes him conclude that she probably doesn't care  _what_ he does to her at this point. The thought only makes his pleasure grow. 

"You're perfect," he finds himself breathing into her mouth, running a possessive hand into her hair before twisting, pulling her head back before moving his lips to her neck. He exhales a groan onto her hot skin when her nails dig into his shoulders. "So goddamn perfect. You have no idea what I want to do with you."

She lets out an airy laugh into the room, desperately trying to time his thrusts with hers. "How scandalous, Mr. Solo."

Fuck.  _Fuck_. Her desirous hands run to his hair, forcing his lips back to hers, and his brain still hasn't caught up to his body before he's coming, hips moving irregularly against hers. And apparently, that's all it takes to get her off because she's not far behind, letting out every curse word imaginable into his mouth as she finishes. 

He feels like he's in a daze when she pushes on his shoulder, pushing him back down onto his back. He instantly misses her when she slides off of him, rolling onto her backside to join him on the bed. Their heavy breathing fills the room, their chests slick with sweat with every labored rise and fall. 

"Holy shit," he finally says, breathless as he reaches up to push the hair back from his face. It was mindblowing, to say the least.  _She_ was mindblowing.

"That was... wow," she agrees, closing her eyes as she tries to even her breathing. "Damon could never do that, you know." 

Ben finds himself biting back a laugh. "He  _really_ couldn't get you off?"

He's not looking at her but she gives him a lazy shrug of her shoulder anyway, rolling onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow. She sways a bit before her hand reaches out to his chest, catching herself. "No. Well, not like  _that_ , at least." And when he looks at her he can tell she's slipping back into how she was before he found her on the front porch steps. 

"Hey," he says, reaching out to touch her chin to bring her attention back to him. "I am perfectly okay with you using me specifically for that reason." 

Rey gives him a smirk. "Care to test that theory?" She asks him, climbing back over him once more. 

* * *

 Ben's head has physically never hurt worse than it does now. 

He feels ill when he opens his eyes, and he lets out a groan as he slaps a hand to his face. He was getting too old for this shit.

He half expects Rey to be in his bed beside him; she fell asleep next to him after their third time. But she's not there, his bed made neatly on the side she'd be on. And there, on the pillow, is what seems to be a piece of paper ripped from a notebook with writing on it. He snatches it, squinting his eyes to read the neat cursive. 

 _Thank you, Ben._ _For being there for me._

_\- Rey_

With a groan, he rolls over, his head pounding. He'll deal with whatever transpired between them later. Now, he needs to sleep and hope his liver will forgive him for this later.

Whatever happened... he had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time it did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story. All of your hits and kudos and comments mean so, so much to me.
> 
> Until next time!


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